


Pulses

by TeaSpent



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Character Death, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Feels, Fluff, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-06 06:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13405737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaSpent/pseuds/TeaSpent
Summary: As vital organs go, the heart is a pretty vital one. Right up there with lungs.Ever since Tony was born he could hear his heart. But, not just hear it. No, Tony could feel his heart. Sometimes it was soft and quiet. While other times it was wild and screaming. But it was always there. A constant rhythm in Tony's chest. One that kept drumming no matter what. No matter who tried to stop it, it kept going.Sure, it might have slowed down a few times, but it kept on going. The most vital organ, silently, or as silent as it gets, marching on, to the beat of life.~~~Ever since birth Tony Stark has been able to feel his pulse. No matter what, it's always there, a constant rhythm that is always heard. It is a feeling, one that shakes his body over and over again. And it is one of the only things he can truly hold on to, a thing that is not up for debate. Not available for stealing.However, that will not stop people from trying.So, Tony learns how to protect his pulse. To never let other near it. To guard it with is life, because, essentially, it is his life. His safeguard. His constant. He protects it, and lets it become a part of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the story begins.

As vital organs go, the heart is a pretty vital one. Right up there with lungs.

Ever since Tony was born he could hear his heart. But, not just hear it. No, Tony could feel his heart. Sometimes it was soft and quiet. While other times it was wild and screaming. But it was always there. A constant rhythm in Tony's chest. One that kept drumming no matter what. No matter who tried to stop it, it kept going.

Sure, it might have slowed down a few times, but it kept on going. The most vital organ, silently, or as silent as it gets, marching on, to the beat of life.

~~~

They say that the most comforting sound to a newborn child is their mothers' heartbeat. That probably would have been true for Tony, had he been near enough his mother's chest to be able to hear her heartbeat. However, once Tony was born, Maria decided that maybe being a mother just wasn't for her. A little late, in the grand scheme of things, but that didn't stop her from handing Tony off to some able butler.

And so Tony grew up without his mother's heartbeat. But that was fine. Because he could make do with his own.

At the age of two, Tony knew what the constant pounding sound in his head was. He didn't question it, just let it beat on, as he built with his blocks.

At the age of two, Tony had already latched onto his friend, Jarvis, whose heartbeat had been known to Tony since he was born.

At the age of two, Jarvis had already been there multiple times to help the small child, sheltering him from harsh words and dealing with the aftermath of harsh hands.

As Tony turned three he had his toys taken away. "Stark men don't play with toys" he was told. And so Tony looked to other things.

At the age of three, Tony knew that Jarvis didn't hear the constant drumming, that that was something special about him. Something weird.

At the age of three, the beat wasn't the only thing constant in Tony's head. There were numbers, ideas, and pure imagination flowing through his mind every second of the day. Waiting to be used, willing to be molded and shaped and made.

And so Tony did.

Finding scraps around the house wasn't hard. Taking them was more challenging but after the first time he was caught, Tony learned to be careful and quiet.

~~~

His fourth birthday came and went.

~~~

At four years old he made his first circuit board.

Amazed, Jarvis took him by the hand to go show Howard.

Tony waited patiently at Jarvis knocked on the door, squeezing his hand to feel his pulse beneath his fingertips. As the door opened, Tony felt his pulse speed up, one hand squeezing even tighter into a fist and the other hand gripping the circuit board.

Obadiah was there too, as watched as Howard took the circuit board from Tony to look at.

He missed most of the conversation, it was hard to hear over the noise, but the words he did hear were easily heard, even over the beat.

"Be better," said Howard.

"Could be useful eventually," said Obie.

~~~

Jarvis walked him out, holding him as they walked to the kitchen. Jarvis made him a nice cup of tea, with a little bit of honey. Jarvis held him and got him some ice. Jarvis was the one who took care of him. As always.

~~~

Time moved on and Tony grew. He continued building and learning and growing. And, as soon as they could, he was sent away from home, to a boarding school.

Tony was small for his age, and it didn't help that he was years younger than anyone else in his grade.

However, he tried as best he could to ignore the words and the shoves and the looks and instead to just learn.

~~~

By the time he was thirteen, Tony was already at MIT.

And the pounding still hasn't stopped, his pulse a constant reminder of life. It wasnt that annoying, and it could be easily ignored, but every now and then it would get just a little too loud, before quieting down again.

~~~

And then Tony met Rhodey.

~~~

Tony didn't bring much to MIT. Only himself, the necessities, and the pack of tools Jarvis gave him for his birthday one year.

When he first started school it was somewhat fun. Tony always liked learning, and this was his natural environment. Where he could build, and soak up all the information he liked. Granted, he already knew a lot of it, but still. It beated helping his father in his workshop.

Everything was nice about MIT. The only exception were the people. The people who looked at him funny. The people who whispered. The people who gave not so subtle shoves as they walked past. And the people who gave more than just shoves.

But Tony moved on. He kept working, kept building.

At MIT Tony discovered coffee. He'd knew it existed before then, obviously, but he'd never much drank it. And then, in the course of just a short month, it became Tony's new favorite drink.

~~~

Going into college Tony didn't have any friends. The closest thing he had to friend was Jarvis, and yet that was more of a paternal relationship.

Tony kept to himself for the first few months.

~~~

"Watch it, you little shit,"

That's what Tony heard one early morning, when walking to class, as he fell to the floor.

Tony was used to occasional pushes and shoves, and a few mean words before. But normally they only lasted little while, just a shove and then they walked on. Not today.

~~~

Tony feels the cold stone on his back. He can hear his pulse in his ears, so clear it feels as if he should be able to see it. And he can, he thinks. A tremor in his vision. Oh wait, not that's from the punches.

It was a blur. He fell to the floor and next thing he knows he's being punched against a wall. Tony tries to fight back, he really does, but even if he's stronger than most, size is not to his advantage.

"Hey!"

Looking up, Tony barely sees another person behind the body of his attacker.

"What are you doing," the new person asks, walking closer and obviously wary of the situation. Tony closes his eyes, sighing at the pain as he listens to his rapid pulse.

"None of your business,"

"Yeah, okay. Get off him," the stranger says, seemingly angry.

The other man turns away from Tony, letting him go and walking over the the stranger that Tony can now see clearly. He's tall, taller than Tony, and has dark skin. Tony thinks he might have seen him around campus before, but it's hard to tell; there are a lot of people and Tony doesn't exactly converse with many of them.

"He deserved it, the little faggot," the man says, glaring at the new stranger.

Suddenly, Tony hears a crack and a cry of pain. Looking up, he sees his former attacker gripping his nose.

"Don't talk about him like that," the black man says, gripping his hand.

Slightly confused as to why this random stranger has so much venom, so much anger, and for Tony's sake nonetheless, Tony takes the time to slowly lower himself to the ground, hand clutching his chest and stomach. He leans his head back against the cold stone and just listens. He listens to his pulse, slowly slowing down to a normal beat.

Hearing footsteps, he look up to see a hand being extended to him.

Pushing off of the floor by himself, Tony stands up and looks at the stranger.

"Thanks," he says quietly, looking away.

"No problem," the still stranger says, extending his hand. "James, but most call me Rhodey,"

"Tony," he says, warily eyeing the hand and finally shaking back, wincing slightly at the movement on his ribs.

Suddenly, Rhodey is at his side, so fast it makes Tony jump.

"Alright there?" He asks, blatantly concerned for Tony's wellbeing.

Looking at him cautiously, Tony nods. "Yeah, fine," he says, putting on a smile and starting to walk away.

"Yeah right. C'mon, I have a first aid kit in my dorm,"

"Really, I'm fine. Just a few bruises,"

"We both know that it's worse than a 'few bruises,'" Rhodey says, raising an eyebrow at Tony.

"Fine," Tony grumbles, slightly limping as he follows Rhodey, jumping as he feels an arm under his, supporting his weak form as they walked back to Rhodey’s dorm.

~~~

Over the next few months it seems like Rhodey has become a vital part of Tony's life, and he questions how he lived without him.

Rhodey kept him fed and relatively sane. They joked and laughed and spent more time in each other's dorms than anywhere else.

And, before long, out of seemingly nowhere, they were friends; practically inseparable.

~~~

At MIT, Tony was more of himself than ever before. But, even so, he was still bound. Still pretending every now and then, living up to people's expectations of him. The people on campus expect him to joke, to flirt, to be mean, to be the playboy they think he is. So he was, but only for them. The people back where he grew up, not home, never home, expect him to excel. And so he did, but not for them. Tony didn't do anything for them. It was for himself. Or so he said. And yet even Tony knew a part of him still wanted to prove himself. Just a little part of himself. But a part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! This is my first time writing anything Marvel so any feedback is much appreciated!
> 
> Have a nice day ~ TeaSpent


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of attempted rape. Please do not read if you are sensitive to these topics.

Gossip spreads like a wildfire.

That's one of the first things Tony learned. The second thing he learned was that more often than not, he was the forest people were trying to burn.

Other than Rhodey, Tony didn't really have any other friends at MIT. He talked here and there but really he just did his classes and work and only hung out with Tony. So where the rumours that he has slept with half the school came from, he has no idea.

~~~

People came up to him more often than he came to them. They'd grab his shoulder and laugh and giggle and act too friendly.

He didn't know them. But they acted like he should. So he'd smile along, and soon Tony learned how to put on a mask. It wasn't flawless, of course, but with practice it got harder and harder, and more brittle.

Rhodey was the only one who ever saw through it. And he was the only one who ever saw the aftermath of what the mask did to Tony. When Tony came back to the Rhodey's dorm after a long day and broke down, the only thing keeping him from slipping off into the deep end being Rhodey's calm words and the sound of Tony's own heartbeat, that always seems to lull him to sleep.

~~~

Everything came with a price. The masks no less.

They cost him a social life. Not that he really wanted one anyway, but now he probably has no chance even if he did. People look at him and he can hear the whispers, murmurs of how he sleeps around and how he's just another spoiled rich boy.

And the words sting. They shouldn't, Tony tells himself. But they do.

The masks and whispers take almost everything from him. Almost everything.

But the one thing that they can't take away is his heartbeat. Because, even after a day of shoves and punches and whispers, he still has that.

~~~

Tony learns to not let people touch his wrist. It's a tell.

The masks have been perfected. There's not a crack. But his pulse? One of the only things that can help him in the darkest of nights? The one thing that he knows he will have at the end of the day? It's also a weakness, as Howard probably would have put it, had he known about it.

~~~

Tony is walking down the halls back to Rhodey's dorm when he feels a hand on his wrist. Before turning around he schools his face into a smirk, looking back.

"Can I help you?" He asks, looking at the brunette that is clutching at his arm.

"Yes, you can," she full on purrs, batting her eyes. "And I think you know with what,"

Listening to the beat of his chest, Tony tries his best to stay calm. Looking around, Tony realizes that the hall is virtually empty. Though, he thinks, even if it wasn't, no one would help him.

"I'm sorry, you have the wrong person," Tony says, pulling his wrist only to find it still in her grasp. And then, he's being pulled, towards the girl.

Pushing away with everything he has, he tries to walk away only to be pulled closer once again.

"Aw come on, don't be like that," she says as she pushes him into an empty classroom, grabbing at his shirt.

Normally, Tony realizes, he would stand a chance. But today, running solely on coffee, he's weak.

The brunette grips his wrists, leaning against him. "Heard you have quite the reputation here. Too shy to put it to use?" She snarls, nails digging into his pulse point, the pulse that he can hear rapidly beating in the quiet room.

"Let. Me. Go!" Tony all but screams.

"Or do you just like a good fight?" She continues. "You like it, don't you?" She says, though it's not like she wants an answer. "Your pulse is going so quickly, you're enjoying it, aren't you?" She snarls, her voice sickeningly sweet.

"No!" Tony shouts, pushing her way in a final attempt to leave. Having his wrists freed, he bolts out of the room, not stopping until he gets back to the dorm.

Closing the door, Tony collapses against it, curling up with his arms around his knees and his pulse firing rapidly.

"Tones?" Comes a gentle voice.

Choking on a sob, Tony just sits there, shaking and on the verge of shutting down.

"Oh Tony," the voice says as Tony feels soft and gentle hands carrying him the the couch, and covering him with a blanket.

"Okay there?" Rhodey asks, and all Tony can do is give a small nod, his pulse and brain firing too quickly to talk.

"Wanna talk?" Rhodey asks.

Shaking his head no, Tony is grateful when Rhodey says okay, and leaves.

"I'll be right over here, yeah? Call if you need anything, okay Tony?" Asks Rhodey, and Tony could hug him, for being able and willing to understand when Tony needs to just not. To not listen. To not talk. To not do anything. "Get some sleep, you look like you need it," says Rhodey, Tony's Rhodes, as he gives Tony a small smile and walks out.

~~~

Tony doesn't sleep. He can't. But he can't move either, so he just lies there. Thinking, about her words.

"Your pulse is going so quickly..."

She thought he liked it. Because of his fear. Because of his pulse.

The one thing he found comfort in turned out to be the one thing that now is haunting him. He was right. It was a weakness.

~~~

That night, Tony doesn't fall asleep to the sound of his pulse, instead he ignores it. He ignores it and tries to forget it is there. Forget it exists.

And, for the first time, he wished it didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That wasn't fun to write.
> 
> Poor Tony. Poor Rhodey. Poor everyone. Can't they just be happy?
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed the update.
> 
> Have a great day,
> 
> TeaSpent~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More general life and maybe a new name appears as well..?

Every now and then, Tony gets buzzed.

Not the drunk type of buzzed though,Tony had only gotten drunk once and he swore to never again. No, this feels like Tony is humming. His whole body, just humming.

It happens normally when he's nervous or anxious or sad, but it can also happen whenever he has intense emotions.

Tony forgets when he started calling it 'humming' but it sort of stuck. However it fits, because that's exactly what it feels like. Though he finds when he mentions it to Rhodey casually one night, no one else he's seen so far has the humming like he does.

It's hard to explain, Tony realizes as he tried to explain it to Rhodes one night. It's like his whole body is vibrating. Like and internal shiver, but his hands are normally still. When Tony hums, his heartbeat also matches the humming, speeding up until he fears it's going to explode.

Though not like a panic attacks. No, humming is different. It's like being perpetually stuck on the edge of a panic attacks. Being on edge. One tiny push and he'll fall into a panic attack, but for now he's okay. Only humming. Only buzzed. For now.

~~~

While Tony often finds comfort in the pulse, he's recently started to dislike it at sometimes. The constant beat, the reminder that no matter what mask he puts on, there is another way to see through him.

And so he tries to fix it. Because that's what he does with the broken things, the things he can improve. He fixes them.

Music helps. The headphones are big and they help a little, but more often than not they just make it easier to hear the pulse, even over the overly loud music.

But without headphones it's such a change. He can lose himself in the music, and not have to worry about anything. Not having to worry about Howard, not having to worry about the other students, and not having to worry about the facade he oh so perfectly wears.

It blocks it out. If only for a few minutes at a time.

~~~

Tony keeps in contact with Jarvis. Or he tries to. With school taking up more and more of Tony's time it's harder to find a time to talk to his old friend. But he manages.

~~~

School has started taking up more time. Which isn't bad, per say, just a little inconvenient for Tony. However, even while he isn't doing schoolwork, Tony is still learning, still building, still creating. Mainly they're small things, little improvements to the community microwave, little additions to make Rhodey's fridge more efficient, a few tweaks to toaster they share, seeing as Tony finally moved in with Rhodey, seeing as he had practically been living there for the past few months anyway. No need to waste money on another dorm or anything. And, even if he won't tell him that (though Rhodey probably already  knows), Tony does like the company.

So Tony keeps himself busy, doing little things. Mainly because he only has time to do little things. Until winter break, where he seems to have all the time in the world.

~~~

"I promise Rhodey, the apartment will still be standing when you get back," Tony says, as he stands with his friend in the airport.

"The last time you said that you nearly killed yourself," Rhodey says, giving Tony an unimpressed look.

"But the apartment was standing, wasn't it?" Tony says, smirking.

"Just..take care of yourself, okay?" Rhodey asks, sincerely.

"You know my honey bear, I'll be fine," Tony says, smiling.

"Yeah, I do know you, why do you think I'm so worried?" The taller man teases. "But remember, call if you need to, I'll be there. Stay out of trouble. Don't take over the world. Stay safe. The normal stuff," Rhodey says, half seriously.

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Go and have fun, you don't get to see your family that often," Tony says, looking slightly sad for a second before straightening his face out into a playful but still reassuring smile.

"Okay, just take care, yeah?" Rhodey asks once more as he pulls the shorter man in for a hug.

"Same goes for you," Tony says, wrapping his arms around his friend and relishing in the warm hug.

Over the speakers, the next flight is called, and Rhodey pulls away.

"Well, this is me. Have a good break Tony, I'll see you soon," he says as he starts to walk away.

"Have fun and all that!" Tony yells at Rhodey's retreating form.

Seeing Rhodey wave a hand behind him and disappear further into the crowd, Tony sighs and starts to walk back to the car, the loud airport seeming suddenly silent to him, except for the sound of the constant pulse.

~~~

The drive back home is quick and quiet, and as soon as Tony gets home he turns on his music, as loud as it can go. Making some coffee for himself he goes to his small makeshift workshop to do something, anything, to fill the space he knows Rhodey has left, if only for a few days.

~~~

It's been nearly two weeks since Rhodey left when the music stops. The difference is stark, especially given the fact that his pulse seems so much louder now.

"Come on, please," Tony mutters as he turns it on again, hoping it will work this time.

"Please," Tony says, his words half slurred due to the lack of sleep. "Just work,"

Nothing happens, and Tony slumps to the floor in defeat.

"I just need this, just this, please," he mutters, running his hand over his face. "Come on, prove them wrong, prove me wrong, for once just prove them wrong," Tony practically begs, leaning against the wall, as he grabs the keyboard on the desk next to him as he types a few more lines.

Seeing no change, Tony throws the keyboard down again, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall, when he hears a quiet whirring sound. Opening his eyes, he comes face to face with a metal claw.

Yelping, he jumps, standing up quickly. The claw follows him up, and as he looks at it he realizes it's connected to an arm.

"Hello?" He asks, timid and hesitant, his pulse ringing in his ears and his chest vibrating with happiness as well as anxiety.

In return, the machine tilts his claw, looking back at Tony curiously. Suddenly, the machine turns around, looking around the room. Quickly, he rolls around, looking at everything and everything.

"W-wait, stay still!" Tony yells, knowing the big robot will most likely crash into something. And crash it does.

The robot lays there, on the floor, whirring helplessly and looking up at Tony.

Standing there for a second, Tony laughs, looking at the robot. Hauling it upright, he takes a stencil and, telling the robot to stay still for just a second, 'if that's possible you', he carefully paints his name on the left cylinder.

"Fits, doesn't it?" Tony asks, stepping away, smiling playfully.

Dum-E looks up at him curiously, looking down at himself and then back up. Finally, he makes a happy sounding whirring noise, and leans closer to Tony.

"Glad you like it," Tony says, practically ecstatic. "Now, let's see what you can do, yeah?" he asks, smiling down at his new creation.

Whirring again Dum-E seems to nod and Tony takes the noise as confirmation.

~~~

Waking up to the sound of the doorbell, Tony jumps up, only to wack his head on a metal claw.

"Dum-E, personal space," he chides, rubbing his head.

Checking he's at least a little presentable, so basically not naked, Tony rushes over to open the door, after telling Dum-E to stay.

Opening the door, he stands in shock for a few minutes before jumping into Rhodey's arms.

"Rhodes! You didn't tell me you're coming!" Tony said as he hugs his friend.

"I tried you idiot, but someone wasn't answering their phone," Rhodey says, the smile evident in his voice as he hugs his friend back.

"Heh, oh right," Tony says, pulling away. "Sorry, sorta crashed last night," he says, a bit sheepish.

"It's fine, doesn't matter," Rhodey says. Sighing contently as he took his baggage inside and went to sit down on the sofa, he watched as Tony joined him.

"Good trip?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, everyone says hi, you know. Were a bit disappointed you didn't come with me," Rhodey says, smiling.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get some stuff done and I don't really know them that well and I didn't want to impose and-,"

"Tony it's fine," Rhodey says, cutting off his rambling. "Just wanted to let you know everyone says hi," he says, smiling gently.

Just then, there was a loud crash from somewhere in the apartment.

"....Tony..." Rhodey starts, after just staring at the boy sitting next to him.

"The house is still standing!" Tony says, jumping up from the sofa and running to wherever the crash came from.

Lightly chuckling at his friends weak excuse, Rhodey follows the footsteps, only to be met with a metal claw in his face as he opens the door to Tony's workshop.

"Um..hello?" He tried, as the claw tilts to the side, looking him up and down.

"Dum-E!" Tony yells, coming up from behind the...robot? Rhodey thinks it's a robot. "Told you to stay still," he says, clearly out of breath, probably from chasing the robot, which has seemingly tangled itself up in a long cord, leading back to the plug in the wall.

"Tony?" Rhodey tries, getting Tony's attention.

"Ah. Right. Rhodey? Meet Dum-E. Dum-E, meet my Rhodes," Tony says, gesturing as he introduces his two friends.

"It's a..robot?"

"Not a robot Rhodes. Well, actually yes, it is a robot. But it has an AI, Rhodes," Tony nearly shouts, obviously excited.

"Huh," Rhodey says. "Hello there, I'm Rhodey," he says, holding his hand out as Dum-E shakes back.

Tony watches carefully as Rhodey seems to be perfectly happy with Dum-E, laughing and playing with the robot, talking to it as if it's just as human as he himself is, which Tony is eternally grateful for.

Laughing a little to himself at the sight, Tony's small fear that Rhodey might just not like the new addition to the apartment disappears. Walking over, Tony grabs a tennis ball he found around the house, and offers it to Dum-E who promptly throws it. Stepping back as he hears the sounds of his own pulse mingling with the sound of laughter, he let's a smile take over his face as he watches his tiny but oh so wonderful family play a mangled game of fetch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I think it was a little longer than usual. Have a great day, and if you celebrate Valentine's day then have a nice Valentine's day! Till next time,
> 
> TeaSpent~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There are descriptions of panic attacks and talks as well as descriptions of death in this chapter. If you are sensitive to these topics please do not read. Thank you.

Dum-E slots seamlessly into the apartment, mainly staying in Tony's workshop. While Dum-E has to spend time in his charging station every now and then, most of the time the bot can be seen rolling around then room or helping, attempting that is, he still can't tell a screwdriver from a wrench, Tony with whatever project his creator might be working on at the moment.

~~~

The winter ends and summer rolls around. Rhodey leaves again, for a month this time, and it's quiet once more. However, the chirps and whirrs from Dum-E help, though the stark loneliness is still near unbearable.

Tony decides to stay on campus for the summer, willing to do anything to avoid going back home. Though he still speaks with Jarvis every now and then, he's not exactly jumping at the idea of having to see Howard and Maria again, having to listen to them and having to go through the steps of the special mask he puts on just for them.

~~~

Tony is falling apart.

But he's used to it by now.

It's been three weeks and four days since Rhodey left, not that Tony's counting, and there's still about three days until he's back, and since about the beginning of the first week Tony's been humming. He's not quite sure why, but the loneliness he refuses to admit to himself might play a part.

The hummings not strange of course, Tony hums every now and then of course, that's perfectly normal.

But this humming? This time? It hasn't stopped. It won't stop.

And right now? Tony has lasted this long. Just. But it seems too much all of a sudden. Tony can tell he's on edge. He knows it irrational, 'it's only a month, get a grip Tony', but he can't stop humming, and believe him, he's tried.

But it just continues, the perpetual edge he seems to be stuck on.

~~~

He's not stuck anymore.

Tony knew it wouldn't be long, he could tell he was wound up so much, the silence driving him insane. True, it wasn't real silence, his pulse and music could probably be heard throughout the entire building, but to him it was. It was silent. Empty. Even with Dum-E there, it was still empty.

So when he messes something up for the fourth time, nothing big, just some code he was trying to edit, it is enough to set him off. And once he's off and falling, falling off  the edge for the first time in month, it seems like he'll never be able to get back up afterwards.

It's a blur really. He made a mistake, an error popped up, and then he was crouched on the floor, with Dum-E sitting next to him looking as concerned as a robot can manage.

Tony's head falls into his hands, and his ears are immediately covered, which only amplifies the already pounding pulse. The music had stopped, and looking to his left he sees the speaker tossed to the floor, which maybe happened when he himself dropped to the floor. Laughing shakily to himself he shakes his head, trying to ignore the thoughts rushing through his head; come on Tony, come on, just a little thing, it's fin- no it's not, stark men ar- no it's fine, you're oka- no, have to do better, be better, can't last for a few weeks, pathetic, weak, no, can't, bad, can't do anything righ-

Trying to calm his breathing, his hand goes up to his chest, tapping aggressively against his chest the rhythm of his pulse.

After a few minutes, though it feels like hours, his breathing seems to have evened out. Unfurling his legs from the tucked position they had been in, Tony leans his head back against the leg of the table, laughing shakily to himself as he calms down.

Dum-E, who was getting increasingly worried and confused whirrs quietly and rests his claw in Tony's lap. Realizing he's still tapping his chest, Tony gently rests his hand on the claw, stroking it slowly.

"Thanks bud. Sorry for the worry," he murmurs.

Hearing a chirp in response, Tony closes his eyes, tired.

~~~

Tony manages to stay together for the next few days, and, thankfully, the humming went away after the panic.

However, when Rhodey comes back, Tony is more thankful for the man than he has ever been.

~~~

Money isn't a problem for Tony. How much he has, that is. Money has been a problem in other ways; it seems people tend to forget they have a heart when money is on the line, and people seem determined to do whatever to get his. Except Rhodey that is, though Tony was concerned at first that his friend's intentions weren't so pure. However after a long and awkward conversation, Rhodey made it clear that he's not looking for favors, even if Tony tries to give him some.

But having enough money isn't a problem for Tony. He doesn't have trouble paying for school, the scholarship he's been granted helps tremendously, as does the money Howard has invested in him. Because that's what Tony is apparently. An investment. Not a son, but someone who will eventually take over the company. Someone who needs to be trained to follow in their father's footsteps.

~~~

Life continues on smoothly for Tony and his family, as smoothly as it can be that is, and soon another winter break is rolling around.

~~~

"Doing anything this year Tony?" Rhodey asks as he walks into the workshop, saying hi to Dum-E as the excited bot rolls over, chirping loudly. "Was only gone for a few hours Dum-E," he murmurs affectionately, patting the claw Dum-E holds out.

"Nah, just staying here, working on world dominance again," Tony says, not bothering to then around from the project he's currently working on.

"Again? Thought we talked about this Tones," Rhodey says, smiling as he grabs the tennis ball and has Dum-E soon rolling around after the yellow orb.

"Must've slipped my mind," Tony says, turning around to look at his friend. "What about you? Visiting the family again?"

"Nope, going to stay here this year. They're going on vacation this year so I'm stuck here this break with you,"

"Sure you won't get tired of me?" Tony teases, though inside he's insanely happy Rhodey won't be leaving this year.

"Never Tones," Rhodey says, smirking, though Tony knows his words are sincere.

~~~

Winter break had been going pretty well, all things considered. Tony was stable, Rhodey and he were even going out sometimes, just to hang out like they used to do when they had more time on their hands, Dum-E still seemed as happy as ever, though Tony found out that the little bot can hold a grudge like no one he's ever met.

It wasn't until about a week had passed since the beginning of break when the phone rang.

"Rhodes?!" Tony yells from his workshop, after a few rings.

Sighing as he got no response, Tony walks over and picked the phone up.

~~~

Rhodey walks into the kitchen, looking around.

"Tony? Did you call?" He asks, but he doesn't hear anything except panicked breathing in return.

Turning the corner, Rhodey sees his friend, sitting on the floor with one arm around his knees and the other arm tapping on his chest. Tears look like they're threatening to roll down Tony's face and the way he's curled up makes him look small and vulnerable.

After barely pausing for a second, Rhodey is at his friends side in an instant, however he doesn't touch Tony yet. Picking up the phone that is hanging down off the counter and next to Tony, Rhodey picks the phone up to hear a man talking.

"Mr. Stark, we're very sorry for your loss but we have to talk to you abou-,"

"We'll call you back," Rhodey says, placing the phone back and looking down at his friend. Putting the pieces together, Rhodey runs to his room, grabs a comfy blanket, and comes back to Tony, wrapping him up and carefully picking him up.

"C'mon Tones, let's go sit down on the couch," he murmurs, half dragging and half holding his friend.

Seating them both on the sofa, Rhodey puts his arm around Tony hesitantly, gauging his reaction.

When it seems to be fine, he pulls Tony into him, grabbing his wrist that is still tapping his chest and placing it palm down back on Tony's chest, gently.

~~~

When Tony wakes up, Rhodey is still sitting next to him, reading some book. Tony sits there for a few minutes, listening to the gentle breathing and his own pulse, which is thankfully calm; unlike how it was a couple of hours ago, when it was so loud he couldn't hear anything else.

"Sorry," Tony mutters, standing up.

"How are you feeling?" Rhodey asks, ignoring the unnecessary apology.

"I'm fine," Tony says, going for a smirk and immediately putting his mask on.

"Tones..." Rhodey says, giving his friend a concerned look.

Sitting back down, Tony sighs.

"I'll be fine," Tony says, looking down. "It's just...they're gone," he says, voice breaking. "Car crash," he mutters, slumping against his friend's side. "And what now? Now that... Now that Howard's gone what happens now?" He asks, trying to stay calm and listening to the way his pulse speeds up as he breathes in and slows down as he breathes out.

Putting an arm around Tony, Rhodes sighs. "I don't know Tones. I don't know,"

Nodding in resignation, Tony stands up. "Be in the workshop," he says, walking out of the room.

Not bothering to stop him, and knowing it's pointless to try, as well as the fact that it's probably best to let Tony deal with this in his own way, Rhodey simply nods.

~~~

Locking the door to his workshop, Tony knows he's shutting down. Though he's humming like never before, his whole body vibrating with adrenaline and emotions, and though he can hear his heartbeat, loudly pounding away in his ears, he doesn't feel anything. He doesn't feel sad, or mad, or anything other than empty.

He feels blurry. Like it's hard to think, to move, to just do anything.

He feels empty. He's not crying or breaking down like he feels he should be; because of course he should be, they're dead, what kind of a person wouldn't cry.

Him apparently.

He feels exhausted. Like he could just lie down and sleep, and never get up. So of course, he doesn't do that and instead goes over to his computer and starts typing and planning a new project.

~~~

It doesn't hit him until three days after the phone call. Up until then, he'd just felt nothing. 

And now Tony feels everything. He feels conflicted. His parents and him never got along of course, but they were still his parents, even if they didn't act like it. But that's not the only reason he feels conflicted.

~~~

Jarvis was his first friend.

Though Jarvis always has a professional air to him, he also always looked after Tony. Jarvis was more of a parental figure than Howard and Maria combined. Jarvis was the only one Tony found comfort in, let alone the only one who he kept in contact with. Of course there was also Aunt Peggy, but her visits were short and not frequent enough for Tony to let himself get attached.

But Jarvis? Jarvis was always there. And Tony, not that he'd ever tell anyone, got very attached. How could he not?

And now he's gone.

They say it would have been quick. Painless. He was in the back seat and when they crashed his neck seems to have snapped upon impact.

The information doesn't help Tony much.

But, as Tony grieves, he can't help but feel guilty for being sadder due to the death of the butler, rather than Howard and Maria.

~~~

Tony gets another call, the day after the first one. After a few minutes of apologies and general pleasantries, which sound all too sweet for Tony's liking, Obadiah turns to talk about the funeral and what happens to Stark Industries.

Apparently, once Tony turns 21 the company will belong to him.

That wasn't much of a surprise to Tony. Though Tony knew Howard never much liked him, he also knew the man would never hand SI over to someone other than a Stark.

And so, after graduating in a few months, Tony will apparently help run SI, from the sidelines of course and under Obadiah's supervision.

Tony considers saying no, giving the company to someone else, getting rid of it, but Obadiah won't have it.

SI was his father's life, and now it's Tony's future.

~~~

Everyone was dressed in black suits or dresses, even Tony because according to Rhodey it isn't okay to wear a t-shirt and jeans to his parent's funeral.

Obie organized it. There were two coffins, both looking extremely expensive, and most of the people Tony didn't know, though he assumes they're mostly business partners.

It was a blur. Tony said a few words, Obadiah said more, the funeral went on, people came over and offered condolences and then they left.

~~~

After the funeral, Tony went to his workshop and stayed there.

Jarvis's funeral was that day as well, three hours after Maria and Howard's. And, though he tries to not, Tony is still a little hurt for not being invited.

It's not a surprise of course. Why would they invite him? Jarvis has his own family and Tony just doesn't fit into it.

~~~

Tony doesn't come out of his workshop for a week. Dum-E, with a new and longer cable, spends more time outside of the workshop, and even he is sometimes not allowed back inside.

Rhodey is getting increasingly worried. His friend isn't eating, isn't sleeping, and is working non-stop. He knows Tony is still alive, Dum-E keeps him updated, but Tony isn't letting him in at the moment and Rhodey isn't going to force him right now.

~~~

"Tones?" He asks, knocking on the closed door.

Not waiting for an answer, whatever he sees can't be worse than anything he's already seen, Rhodes walks inside.

The workshop is a mess. Rhodey can tell that Tony hasn't actually finished building anything, due to the multiple unfinished projects scattered around the room.

The man himself is hunched over the bench, fiddling with another random thing.

"Tones," Rhodey starts, seeing the visible signs of exhaustion on his friend. "C'mon, let's get you in bed,"

"M'fine Honey Bear," Tony says, voice slurred with lack of sleep.

"Uh-huh, sure," Rhodes says, putting one of Tony's arms over his own shoulder and ignoring the sounds of protest as he picks his tired friend up.

Putting Tony down on the bed, he tucks him in.

Pointing a finger at Tony he start to head to the door. "Sleep," he says, shaking his head when Tony tries to get up. "Please Tony. It kills me to see you like this," he says, looking at his friend sadly.

Looking a little guilty, Tony mumbles a "fine," and sinks back down into the mattress, closing his eyes as his friend leaves and quickly sinking into sleep, the sound of his pulse luring him unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That was...heavy.
> 
> Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you are all having nice weekends!
> 
> I really appreciate any and all support you guys have given this story! I'm really trying to update regularly, and I definitely plan to continue this.
> 
> Till next time,
> 
> TeaSpent~


	5. Chapter 5

Tony is on autopilot.

~~~

The school notified him shortly after the funeral that he can take as much time as he needs, not that he needed their permission, he was already ahead in all of his classes. However Tony knew nothing good would come of mourning. That's just not how he faces his problems. No, he faces his problems by running away. By turning to another thing and hoping that whatever is bothering him will go away if he just doesn't look at it.

So he goes back to MIT the week after the funeral. Surprisingly, Rhodey doesn't protest, just gives Tony one or a dozen concerned looks. But even if Rhodey did protest, Tony knows he wouldn't have gotten very far. Which is probably why Rhodey didn't even bother trying.

Instead, his friend makes sure to be there whenever he can.

~~~

And so Tony launches himself into his work, building and thinking and just being Tony.

And it works. Somewhat.

~~~

Nightmares are nothing new to Tony. Besides, everyone has them, they're not different or anything. But he can tell that he definitely has been having more recently.

His dreams are pretty generic most of the time. His mind filling in the blanks of what he heard and saw of Jarvis's and his parent's death, making it seem so much more real. His mind replaying other incidents; people who won't take no for an answer, people who won't listen to the word stop, people who just seen to take pleasure in hitting him. His mind showing Howard, very much alive and either shouting or hitting, his mind creating visuals for all of Howard's insults-Captain America would be disappointed, should be better, useless, worthless-, his mind deciding to play out all of his fears at once.

His mind just being a jerk, though that's nothing new.

Tony goes to sleep every now and then, not every night; that's much too much to ask, and after he falls asleep to the sound of his pulse, he wakes up to the sound of heavy breathing and the feeling of his whole body humming.

~~~

Eventually, they stop happening every night and go back to the normal once or twice a week.

~~~

Rhodey is graduating in about a week, and then moving away to follow his dream of being in the Air Force.

Tony's happy for him, he really is. And sure, he's a little sad, but that's a given.

~~~

After the ceremony, Rhodey goes out to dinner with his family, and invites Tony along.

"C'mon Tones, they'd love to meet you! I've already told them so much about you!"

And Tony, not going to be the one to say no to his friend on one of the biggest days of his life agrees.

"Sure thing Honey Bear, sure thing. Lead the way,"

~~~

Dinner went well, Tony thinks as he turns the light on in his workshop. Everyone was nice, though he didn't expect anything else from Rhodey's family, the food was good, and, though he's exhausted, he thinks he did a pretty good job.

~~~

The drive to the airport is quiet, with only some small talk.

~~~

"Promise me?" Rhodey asks, hugging Tony tight to his chest in front of the gate to his plane.

"I promise I'll call you," Tony recites, putting a smile on his face as he pulls back. "Though I bet you'll be too busy to pick up," he says, aiming for lighthearted as he attempts a playful smirk. However, it comes out too quiet and subdued.

"For you? I'll always have time Tony. Always," Rhodey says, pulling his friend into another tight hug, pointedly ignoring the way Tony's eyes look just slightly shiny.

"For little old me?" Tony says against Rhodey's shirt, and though it sounds cocky and playful, it comes out as a hidden plea.

"Always," Rhodey repeats, resting his head on Tony's. "Take care of Dum-E for me, yeah?"

"Of course,"

As the PA system crackles on and Rhodey's flight number is called, the two friends separate, smiling at each other.

"I'll see you soon Tones," Rhodes says as he walk away. "And you better take care of yourself, you hear me? I'm not coming to visit to find you dead or worse, understand?" He says, with a small smile.

"Aye aye," Tony says, a mock salute as he smirks, watching the man leave.

~~~

The apartment seems so much bigger without Rhodey. Too empty. Too quiet.

But Tony can fix that.

And so, with AC/DC blasting from the speaker, Tony gets to work. His own graduation is still not for another few months and he is still ahead in all of his classes, but right now he just needs to do work, pointedly ignoring the way the humming had gotten so much worse in just a few hours.

~~~

Even with the music turned up as loud as it will go, the apartment still seems void of life.

But there not much Tony can do about that now, is there?

~~~

Tony considers moving on campus, the apartment being too big for only himself and Dum-E. However, with graduation quickly approaching it seems pointless to move now.

~~~

Graduation, though Tony knew it was coming, came way too quickly for his liking.

The ceremony was pretty boring for Tony, and it wasn't like anyone he knows will be there; other than Obie.

After the ceremony, Obie and Tony drive back to his apartment, where he's dropped off.

"See you tomorrow noon Tony," Obie says, already walking back to his car.

Waving goodbye, Tony closes the door and sighs, going to his work room and petting Dum-E as he chirps and beeps at the return of his creator.

Looking at the boxes surrounding the apartment, (Obie sent over people to pack his things the other day, when Tony came home to find it in multiple cardboard boxes ready to be shipped to SI) with various labels Tony sits down in his chair, one of the few things not yet packed.

"Well," he says, and walking over to the box labeled tools "Let's get to work Dum-E, shall we? We have to move, we might as well have a nice place to move to. No offense to Stark Industries, but I don't really want to live there, do you?"

With a beep of approval and agreement, Dum-E rolls over to the box labeled 'tools' and starts tearing at the tape, as Tony comes, laughing, to help.

~~~

At eleven o'clock the next morning, Tony has fresh, new blueprints drawn up, showing the outline of a house.

~~~

 

True to his word, Obie shows up an hour later at noon, as Tony is saying goodbye to the bots, and he leads Tony out, with a hand on his lower back, into the car and then later into the private jet heading to California.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter AKA minimum dialogue, maximum exposition.
> 
> Yay, finally a new chapter! And sorry if this is a bit shorter than usual, I wanted to post it anyway. That being said, if anyone has any suggestions, corrections, or comments, don't hesitate to let me know!
> 
> As always, I hope everyone is having a great day, and I'll see you (hopefully) soon.
> 
> Teas~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry it took so long, had some things I had to put more time into last week. I'll hopefully be back to updating at least once a week, and I think I'll make some one shots here and there too, so check those out if you want. Anyways, enjoy!

Cali is nice.

Tony doesn't really expect it to be bad per say, but it actually almost distracts him the fact that he is moving to California. For life. To work at SI. With Obadiah. Like he said; almost.

~~~

Stark Industries lives up to expectations. Of course, Tony knows the building inside and out already. Not that he's ever actually been, that is. Howard didn't deem it necessary for him to visit. But still, Tony knows the building. Or, at least, the building's schematics. Which may or may not be classified. But that's not of much importance to Tony, who can (and has) hacked into the Pentagon blindfolded.

The Stark tower is large and he multiple floors reserved for Tony. Which he decides he'll sleep in for only as long as it takes to build his house in Malibu.

The plans get sped up. Mainly because the workers weren't counting on Tony helping as well. And they definitely weren't counting on Tony working every day, for as long as Obie let's him.

The house is done within the month however Tony moves in as soon as it is even somewhat liveable, much to Obadiah's protests.

~~~

Tony is ninteen now and churning out designs left and right. Weapons, of course, though he does try to sneak in something else every now and then. Only the weapons are produced.

~~~

Tony is twenty now and a vital part of SI. He's been officially working for the company for only two years, but his designs have been in circulation in the building since childhood. He found that out only last week, when he discovered something he had designed as a child, per Howard's instruction, under Howard's name and patented.

Tony continues working, ignoring the short stab of betrayal.

~~~

Tony is almost twenty one now and he's due to take over Stark Industries in a couple of weeks. He's humming more lately, and he can't tell if it's from nerves or something else.

~~~

Tony is twenty one and legally allowed to drink. And he doesn't. He has a sip of beer just to make Obie happy, and then he continues with the project he's working on. He doesn't celebrate, at least not now. He knows Obie has organized a gala for him and that it's in a few days, to announce his new position in the company.

The media has a field day with this birthday in particular. Tony isn't especially surprised. The media can turn any day into a field day if they try hard enough. And they try. Headlines talking about Tony are frequent. Apparently he's having a party in LA? And Paris? And London? And New York? And he's also drunk, though that particular accusation is nothing new for the media. Neither is the allegation that he must be sleeping with every girl he is seen with.

~~~

Striping off his suit, Tony sighs. The gala, unsurprisingly, was long. Deciding the skip the shower, Tony instead heads down to the workshop and he pulls up the file he had been working on, smiling slightly as he starts typing new lines of code while singing along to the song playing over the speakers.

He goes to sleep sometime after three am.

The media prints articles about his hangover.

~~~

It's a week after the gala when the file he had been working on is finally finished.

"Hello?" Tony asks the computer as the the program loads. Dum-E looks up at his creator's voice and whirrs quietly.

"Hello, sir," come response, over the speakers.

"Hello," Tony says, grinning like a maniac at the ceiling, as Dum-E makes multiple confused beeps. "Are you fully operational?" He asks, focus back on the computer.

"All of my systems are fully operational," comes the (British?) response, and Tony near giggles with relief and happiness.

"Good to hear, Jarvis," he says, smiling at both the speakers and Dum-E. "Welcome to the family,"

~~~

Cameras are added in every corner of Tony's house the next day, along with multiple speakers.

~~~

Dun-E, Tony decides, needs friends.

~~~

Within the month, U and Butterfingers are made.

Unsurprisingly, they fit into Tony's growing family perfectly.

~~~

"Tony, my boy," comes a loud voice from the door of Tony's workshop.

"Obie, nice to see you," Tony says, stopping the welder and flipping back the helmet to look at Obadiah.

"And you, comes the response as a hand is placed on Tony's shoulder, with a firm grip. "I wanted to talk to you about something,"

"Sure, what is it," Tony says, subtly shifting under the hand on his shoulder.

"Shall we sit down?" Obadiah suggests, as he gives the couch a look, not of disgust necessarily, but just of general distaste.

Sitting down on the couch, Tony shifts away so he can turn to look at the older man, waiting for him to speak.

"We need you to be at Stark Industries more, my boy," Obie starts, looking straight at Tony. "It's your company and they need to see you. Some days you don't come at all, and that just won't do," he continues, still looking square at Tony.

"But, Obie, I make the designs, don't I?" He asks, breaking eye contact.

"That's not the point Tony," Obadiah says, sounding slightly irked. "We need you there. Your workers need to see you. And you also need to start coming to more meetings," he says, voice clearly getting more and more irritated.

"Okay," Tony says slowly, knowing he doesn't really have a choice in this. "I'll come by more often then, Obie,"

"Everyday," comes the response.

"Everyday," Tony repeats, smiling when his friend smiles back at him.

~~~

And so Tony goes in everyday. He does practically the same as he would have in his home. Tony's office becomes more and more "him" and more and more people know him now.

~~~

"Mr. Stark?" Comes a voice from the door.

"Come in," he says, looking up from the paperwork Obie asked him to have read and signed by the end of the day.

"You asked for me?"

"Yes," Tony says, standing up and coming sound the desk to shake his guest's hand. "Miss. Potts, correct?" He asks, giving a gentle smile.

"Yes, Mr. Stark," comes the response as she firmly shakes his hand.

"Tony, please,"

"Virginia,"

"You work as a secretary, yes? For PR?" He asks, already knowing the answer.

Nodding, Miss. Po- Virginia says yes, locking with Tony.

"Ever done PA work?" He asks, smirking slightly.

"No, Mr. Stark,"

"Tony. Well then, this should be a good experience. Virginia, would you like to be my personal assistant?" He asks, and Virginia is almost taken aback by how timid the seemingly charismatic man sounds.

"Why me?" She asks, looking a little skeptical.

"You were the one who personally called me to inform my of my error in the document I sent to PR last week, weren't you?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, I was," Virginia says, a little confused.

"That's why,"

~~~

Virginia Potts accepts the offer.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Pepper!
> 
> Hope everyone is having a nice week, and I'll see you soon!
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Tea~


	7. Chapter 7

Virginia Potts is... efficient.

That's the best definition Tony can come up with so far, seeing as he's only known her for all of two weeks.

From scheduling meetings to just being able to make Tony go where he's actually supposed to be, which pleases Obie, she is quick witted and efficient, but with a certain warmness to her as well, which Tony can't quite place.

~~~

Virginia Potts is fiery, though Tony already knew that when he first hired her.

Tony hears clips of stories of how she had stood up to her other boss, who had been blatantly sexist.

He's fired within the hour of Tony hearing about it.

~~~

Virginia Potts is no longer Virginia. Instead, she's Pepper.

~~~

"Virginia?"

"Yes, Mr. Stark?"

"Tony,"

"Tony," she repeats, a smirk on her lips.

"Have any nicknames? Because there are forty-nine other states and unless you want to be called Maryland or Wisconsin one day, you're gonna need a nickname," Tony says, waving his hands around as he always does when he talks.

"I-" Virginia starts, giving her boss an unimpressed look.

"Pepper," she says finally.

"Pepper? As in, salt and pepper, or hot chili peppers?"

"Sure, Tony,"

"Great! Suits you, fiery and all," he says, smiling.

"Good to hear," she says, smiling slightly.

~~~

Rhodey is coming back. Though only for a few days, it's enough to make Tony happy, because a few days is more than plenty for Tony.

~~~

"You have a meeting at two o'clock that you can not miss, Tony," says Pepper as she comes into the workshop. Though Obie wanted him to use the office more, that just wasn't going to work for Tony. So the workshop was the next best thing.

"Tomorrow?" he asks, not looking up from the screen.

"Yes, I told you about it yesterday as well,"

"You did? Right, you did," Tony amends after seeing Pepper's unimpressed look. "But I promised Rhodey I would pick him up from the airport,"

"I'm sure Happy would be happy to drop by the airport," Pepper suggests."

"Sure?" Tony asks, trying just once more.

"Happy? Yeah," Pepper says. "Not even sure where you picked him up from, but he does do his job well," Pepper mutters as she leaves.

Smiling to himself, Tony remembers the first day he met Happy, in the rain and in front of a hotel. Flagging down a cab, he remembers the burly driver who pulled up, driving the half-asleep engineer back to the tower. A few weeks later, when Obie wanted him to interview a new chauffeur, he decided to instead do a quick background check on the cab driver. Hogan was hired the next week, with only a few odd looks from Obadiah. However, there wasn't much arguing Tony couldn't evade, seeing as Happy had a wonderful track record as well as his previous boxing experience under his belt.

~~~

The meeting, like all others, was boring as always. The board was stubborn as usual and they seem adamant on making Tony's life difficult for him. Obadiah, while there with Tony, was also not exactly a help, agreeing with the board more often than not. The only help Tony really has during those meetings is Pepper, and the board, being the sexist group of old, rich, men they are, don't exactly let her put in her input, even though Tony knows her ideas would be worth ten of theirs.

But thankfully, after another hour and a half of going in circles about a new policy, Tony finally has the board's agreement to not lower the pay for their employees, as he can leave down back to the workshop.

With Pepper next to him, they both file into the elevator as Jarvis brings them both down to the workshop, where Tony can see Rhodey already saying hi to the bots as he waits on the worn out couch in the middle of the room.

"Rhodey!" Tony yells, running into the room and leaping into his friend's open arms.

"Hi Tones, how are you doing?" the taller man asks as he hugs his friend tightly, now standing.

"Better now. And you?" Tony asks as he rests his head against Rhodey's chest.

Feeling the deep laugh vibrate Rhodey's chest Tony finally pulls away.

"I'm good, Tony, I'm good," he says, looking around at the room and seeing the other person standing near the door, watching the pair with a small smile on her face. "Going to introduce me?"

"Oh! Right! Rhodey, meet Pepper," he says, dragging his friends to meet each other.

"Colonel James Rhodes," Rhodey says, his hand extended.

"Virginia Potts," Pepper says, firmly shaking the hand with a smile.

Smiling, Tony looks satisfied as he sees two of the brightest parts of his life meet each other.

"You're 'Pepper', aren't you," Rhodey asks as he lets go of Pepper's hand.

"Yes, and you must be Rhodey, right?" she asks in return, with a light laugh. "Tony's told me plenty about you,"

"And same for you," Rhodey adds with a chuckle.

"What can I say, I like to brag about my children," Tony says as he flops onto the sofa.

Seeing his friend's exhausted demeanor, James goes over and join him, watching as Pepper joins them both.

"Long day?" he asks, hearing both of their sighs.

"Just..the board," Tony says, in lieu of an explanation.

"Again?"

"I don't think they ever actually stop," Pepper comments dryly.

"Anyways...how long are you staying?" Tony asks, looking slightly more bright now that his attention is on his friend.

"Yeah, about that," Rhodey starts.

"Oh," Tony says, seeing where this is going.

"What?" Pepper asks.

"I leave tomorrow evening," he explains.

"Already?" she asks, surprised.

"Yeah, they aren't exactly keen on letting me go for too long," he says, sighing.

"That's fine, we'll do something tomorrow, yeah? Have a lot I want to show you Honeybear, been working on a ton of cool things," Tony says, forcing a smile onto his face, pointedly ignoring the concerned looks he's getting.

"I'll cancel the meetings you have tomorrow," Pepper says, with that gentle smile of hers that always seems to make Tony feel at least a little bit better.

"Thanks, Pep,"

"No problem, Tony, you deserve a break," she says, sadness now sneaking into her smile. "Will that be all Mr. Stark," she asks.

"That will be all Ms. Potts," he returns, a smirk playing on his lips every so subtly.

Watching her walk out of the room, Tony leans further into Rhodey, slowly pushing against him until the two are practically connected. Leaning his head against the soft but firm chest, Tony relaxes and lets himself listen to the stories of Rhodey's life, the combined heartbeats a gentle patter in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, two of the most important people in Tony's life have finally met!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and are having a nice day!  
> See you soon,
> 
> Tea~


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Description of torture and general pain.

Thanks to Pepper, Tony just able to see Rhodey off at the airport, after having the whole day with him.

"See you soon?" Tony asks, hugging his friend, revelling in the steady heartbeat he hears against his ear.

"Only two weeks, remember?" Said friend says, hugging the shorter man tightly.

"Yeah, two weeks," Tony says, trying for a smile.

Thankfully, also due to Pepper, only two weeks are between their next visit. Technically it's only a demonstration for the military, however Rhodey will be near and that is all that matters to Tony.

~~~

Tony has the Jericho ready for the demonstration before the week ends.

~~~

The demonstration itself is cookie cutter. Talk about America, talk about da-Howard. Smile the smile they all want to see, show them the weapon they all and to buy, and then go home. Easy. And Tony is pretty satisfied with how it went. Granted, he doesn't like doing them, but he's had worse incidents. At least now that he has a rythm they aren't that painful. Besides, a quick call to Obie and he seems happy, so it went pretty well in Tony's opinion.

~~~

When Tony is tired or stressed he tends to ramble, among other things. Anyone who has been with him when he's even remotely tired knows this, and everyone (cough Rhodey and Pepper cough) teases him about sleep deprivation induced science rant.

So it's not surprising to him that in the "Funvee", as he dubbed it, he starts talking to the young soldier next to him, playfully teasing the man. What did surprise him however, was the explosion.

~~~

'Rhodey' is one of the first thoughts through Tony's brain as the explosion shakes the ground, sending dust and cars alike flying, making it impossible to see.

The next thought is a long stream of colorful curse words, as Tony coughs and trys to actually breathe in the dusty air around him..and since when did breathing become so hard?

~~~

There's a certain point of pain that it no longer feels like pain. It still hurts, sure, buts it's not pain. No, it's something deeper than pain. Tony doesn't know how to describe it right at the moment, but he can be sure that he wants it to stop. Because he's felt pain before, and he can deal with it. But this? This is new. And wrong. And something he can't deal with. Which is probably why he passes out shortly after that last thought runs through his mind.

~~~

'Dum-E always did hate his charging station'

That's the first ludic thought in Tony's mind after seeing the wires currently connected to the gaping whole in his chest.

The second thought is of the pain; the pain that hurts so much that it feels cold. Like someone is driving a knife of ice through his chest, again and again.

As he tries to get up, there's another voice telling him to stay down.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you,"

~~~

The first thing Tony noticed after his conversation with Yinsen was what had been bothering him (other than the hole in his chest).

His heart beat. His pulse.

He could still hear it, of course. He's still alive. However, it's more.. metallic. More echoing. More mechanical. Less him.

~~~

Yinsen is a doctor. And a fine one at that, if Tony's chest is anything to go by. Sure, it's not ideal, but in a cave? It's pretty impressive.

In a cave.

Tony is in a cave. Captured by terrorists who want him to build weapons for them. Weapons that they shouldn't have access to, though it doesn't look like that's stopped them before.

~~~

The walking dead. He's a dead man walking, and his little friends around him aren't exactly helping him stay walking at the moment.

~~~

"He wants you to build the missle,"

~~~

Tony thinks that water and lungs don't mix. Apparently his captors beg to differ. However the cold, murky water seeping into his lungs, choking him from the inside out and making him cough and splutter plainfully, lungs trying to dispose of the foreign substance, agree with Tony.

~~~

"...and when you're done, he will set you free,"

~~~

Yinsen has a family. That's what he's fighting for. His family, someone to get back to. To hold on to. To love.

~~~

"No they won't,"

"No they won't,"

~~~

Since he woke up Tony had been trying to form a plan. He has one now, a small, frail, fragile frame of a plan. But a plan.

~~~

"They call themselves the Ten Rings,"

~~~

They're more than willing to fund Tony's plan, which makes Tony question their intelligence.

~~~

"So you're a man who has everything and nothing,"

~~~

But that's not true. Because Tony does have something. At the very least, he has his bots; his children. At most, he also has Pepper and Rhodey.

~~~

"My family is dead,"

~~~

Tony wonders why Yinsen was willing to give up so easily, as he wanders the desert, waving to the plane up above.

~~~

"Don't waste it. Don't waste your life,"

~~~

And as he boards the plane, the new metallic pulse ringing in his ears, Tony makes a promise. A promise, that if nothing else, he will at least try and do that. If nothing else, he won't waste his life. Yinsen deserves that much and so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Tony.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed the update, and I wanted to say thank you for all the positive feedback I've been getting! 
> 
> Till next time,
> 
> ~Tea


	9. Chapter 9

In hindsight, Tony should have seen the signs long a long time ago.

The too friendly words, the subtle manipulation, the way he was being toyed with from day one, the way his heart best always sped up, just a little bit.

They say hindsight is 20/20.

They're probably right.

~~~

Tony knows it will haunt him. Ob-Stane falling. His heartbeat near stopping as the reactor is taken out. The glass shattering around him.

He tries to not think about it too much.

~~~

And then there's SHIELD, who, by the way, need to get a better acronym.

Fury and Coulson. Not a problem, for now at least. The Avenger Initiative though, that might prove to be a bit bigger. Especially given how the world knows who and what he is.

~~~

Pepper and Rhodey are both near him for the next week, when they can.

Which, is hard for them, given the fact that he locked himself in the workshop immediately after the whole fiasco was done.

Well, that's not entirely true. There was much too much damage control to lock himself away fully.

~~~

"How hard did they hit us?"

"Not too bad, all things considered. You have some support, and then a lot of negative comments too, mainly from the Military and Government agencies, but you expected that, didn't you?"

Sipping his freshly brewed coffee, looking over the papers Pepper has strewn across the table.

"And the board?"

"What do you think?"

"Right. They've seen us come back from blows before, you would've thought they've learned by now," he mutters, glaring at the papers in front of him.

"You'd think, wouldn't you?"

~~~

To be honest, Tony saw this coming, he wouldn't be much of a genius if he didn't. And, frankly, he's surprised he's lasted this long, he thinks, looking at his blood toxicity level displayed on the tiny screen.

~~~

"Stark Expo is coming up,"

"I know,"

"Are you ready?"

"Oh, ye of little faith, Pep!"

"I'll take that as a yes. Just remember, the board is still on edge,"

"Still?"

~~~

Needless to say, the Expo goes well. The next day, not so much.

~~~

"It's a weapon..."

~~~

Tony isn't sure why they called him here. Well, he is, justice and all that. Nevertheless, he'd much rather be anywhere else.

~~~

"I'd now like to call Justin Hammer..."

~~~

They must be either desperate or idiotic to call Hammer in, Tony thinks, avoiding voicing his disdain for the other man. Contrary to popular belief, he knows when and when to not talk, as well as what to say.

~~~

"...invite Lietenant Colonel James Rhodes..."

~~~

He hasn't been sleeping, that much is evident to everyone. What isn't public knowledge is why he hasn't been sleeping.

"Sir, I must suggest rest," comes Jarvis's voice from the speakers. "You've been awake for the past thirty-two hours,"

"And look how much I've done!"

"At your condition,"

"I don't have a condition, Jarvis, I'm fine,"

"My scans say otherwise,"

~~~

It's not like he isn't trying to sleep. More like he can't. Nightmares are rampant enough to make sure he doesn't get any sleep.

Atop the classics, the whole Iron Man fiasco has added a whole new layer of nightmares, most relating to the reactor.

Tony can't remember waking up in the past month with his heartbeat at a steady rate. 

~~~

With all her spyness, Natalia is pretty obvious, in Tony's opinion. It doesn't take long to find out where she's from, SHIELD still keeping a close eye on him it seems. Still, she's...useful in a way and not directly harmful just yet so she can stay. For now, at least.

~~~

The reactor is painful. It's not much of a surprise really, given the shoddy surgery and limited chest space for the new addition. Even with painkillers, which Tony generally tries to avoid anyway, it is still a pain, literally and figuratively. The palladium is just the cherry on the top. Because, even with the new metal casing protecting his heart, in a way, it is simultaneously poising his heart, from the inside out. And he can hear it. Hear the sick sounding beats, the quicker beats, the wilted beats, stemming from the poisoning, the tightness of his chest, the panic.

Tony would like to think that he would have gotten around to fixing it eventually. Eventually, when it got worse. When it was too bad; when he had to. He'd like to think he would have fixed it before Fury practically forced him to. And yet he also knows that if Coulson didn't babysit him, he probably would have eventually just died.

~~~

The new element, aside from basically being a miracle, changes his pulse again. It sounds more... hyper. More electric, happier even, if it could. So he supposes he's not dying anymore. That's good.

~~~

Hammer is a pain. And also unsurprisingly easy to beat. Sure, it could have gone a bit more smoothly, but all in all, Tony thinks he and Rhodey did a pretty good job. Pepper'll probably disagree, but it's nothing that can't be fixed, company and relationships both.

~~~ 

"Iron Man: Yes, Tony Stark: Not Recommended,"

~~~

So apparently, he's a consultant now. Apparently. Because he doesn't have enough going on already. But that's fine, Tony reasons. That's fine. He wouldn't have time for anything else anyway, it's better to not get too involved.

~~~

And, of course, that the universe then decides that the best thing to do would to make him as involved as possible, in the form of an alien invasion. Because why not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not totally happy with this chapter but I just sort of trudged through it anyway. I might go back and edit it at a later time but for now I'm sticking with this.
> 
> Hello everyone! I'm (finally) back, up and running, and ready to upload new chapters! I'm am so sorry for the wait, and I want to say thank you all for the positive and understanding comments and overall patience. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you again soon.
> 
> As always, Teas~


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self edited, so if you see any errors that's why. Just let me know, if you could, and I'll fix it as soon as possible!

The team is interesting. First of all is Banner, someone who can actually keep up with him. And, aside from the obvious science-ness of the man, he's generally nice to be around, if only a little timid. The green rage monster also doesn't hurt.

Barton is nice enough, once he's back on the light side. Funny, sarcastic, and impeccable aim makes for a good combination.

Natasha he's already met, so that's nothing new. Same old spy-ness with undercurrents of sweetness.

Thor is... interesting. He's loud, abrasive, but also a teddy bear it seems. Then there's his brother, who is all things Tony likes in his men; handsome, smart, and with a desire to take over the world. Though how much he desires world domination is still up for debate in Tony's mind.

And, last, is Captain Rogers, or Steve as he's told to call him. He is a jerk. Well, maybe not a jerk. More like he feels like he's entitled. Whatever he is, he makes Tony's pulse speed up, and not in a good way. No, more like a "I want to punch this person" way. All in all, a bit of a disappointment.

After being compared to him for most of his life, Tony really expected more. But, he thinks as he narrowly escaped the spinning blades that keep the helicarrier, there's more time to dwell on that later. Right now, there's an alien invasion to stop.

~~~

Tony's never been hero material. He knows that. So the fact that he offers to take the nuke up is probably a surprise to everyone around him.

It's a shame Pepper doesn't pick up.

~~~

He's flying now. Not just flying like normal though. No, he's floating. Weightless. Soaring. And oh so cold.

As he flies up in space, suit going higher and higher until it stops working, the only thing he can hear is his pulse. Space is utterly silent.

The last thing he hears before he starts falling is the last sputter if his heartbeat before it stops.

The next thing he hears is this heartbeat sputtering back to life as he lies on the empty road.

~~~

He's not entirely sure how, but apparently he offered his tower to the team (which is such a weird word to be using). It doesn't matter though; none of them accepted. Except for Bruce, who at least took his standing invitation.

~~~

Pepper is so thankful he made it back that it nearly breaks him. Her affection, Rhodey's frantic phone call as soon as he found out, Happy's hand clapped on his shoulder; they paint such a happy picture that Tony almost questions it's legitimacy. Almost.

~~~

Three months and one Ross later and Banner is at his front door.

One day later and he's in his own floor.

~~~

"And here's the lab," Tony says, doors swinging open wide as he prances into the lab he made specifically for his guest on question. Speaking of, Bruce follows in, mouth open and gaping as he takes on the expansive lab laid out in front of him.

"Tony, this is too much, I can't-" he starts, words quiet and posture timid.

"Sure you can, here come look at this," Tony says, leading the man over by his hand and smiling widely.

"No, really, I can't," he says again, voice a little more forceful even as he lets himself be dragged.

"Yes, you can," Tony insits, voice matching Bruce's forceful tone. "It's a gift. You're my guest and that means this is your lab," he says, while also still dragging the other scientist along and around the room. "Now, anything that goes on here is obviously yours to keep, however if you would like to file and studies with SI then we'll be more than happy to pay you. That said, you'll also be getting a steady income while here," he finishes, hand still wrapped loosely around Bruce's, the man's pulse beating steadily below his hand.

"No, Tony, you don't have to-"

"Mmhm, I know I don't have to, thanks for letting me know," he says, eyes already on something else before being dragged back by the taller man to look into his eyes.

"Tony. You don't need to do this for me," he says slowly, looking into the brunette's brown eyes.

"I understand, Jolly Green, however I want to," Tony says, equally as calm and with a small smile. "Believe me, it isn't a hardship for me," he says, eyes starting to flicker around the lab once again. "Now, can we please science?" He asks, eyes pleading and smirk evident once the other man laughs hesitantly.

"Sure, Tony,"

~~~

With every passing hour, Tony likes Bruce more and more. And it seems like Bruce doesn't mind him either. In fact, they get along pretty well, Tony would say. He's loud and obnoxious and annoying and laughing and Bruce is quiet and timid and shy but also funny and loud if he really wants to be. They get along wonderfully; Tony half expected them to burst out singing or something like in one of those Disney movies.

But, ike normal human (even though he's anything but) Bruce needed his sleep eventually and left Tony about an hour ago from the lab to retire back to his floor and sleep. That was at about eleven. It's twelve now and Tony is starting to pack up, heading back down to his own floor.

"Lock the lab down, would you J?" He says absently, leaving the room and only looking back as the lights flicker off. "Thanks," he says, heading towards the elevator and down to his own workshop. Since the Loki scandal, he has taken to sleeping in the workshop, a blanket now covering the couch. And, ever since Pepper found him down there sleeping three nights in a row, a pillow also joins the blanket, so that the couch somewhat resembles a bed of sorts.

"Okay," he murmurs to himself as he sheds his old band shirt, leaving himself in a light undershirt, and gets under the blanket on the couch, curling up into himself as he lets sleep claim him.

~~~

With a gasp, Tony shoots up, blanket forgotten on the floor and heartbeat out and booking in his ears. Slowly, the sound of his pulse slows, leaving only the soft but steady voice of Jarvis, reciting the date and time, and the gentle hum for his pulse, an undercurrents in the sounds of his heavy breathing.

"Fuck," he mutters, running a hand over his face and listening to Jarvis repeat the time and date Only one thirty. Though, to be honest, it is an hour longer than normal. Not that it really matters, Tony knows he's practically running on fumes at this point.

"Thanks, J," he croaks, voice dry from sleep and panic.

Sighing as he gets up, he makes his way to the door and elevator, sleepily walking to the kitchen up stairs. While he has a kitchen in the workshop, he often chooses to get up and go the one upstairs on nights like this, both because of the fact that there is more up there and because it's good to have something to do, somewhere to go.

Putting the kettle on, he scoops up some tea and grabs his mug sized filter. The tea is that sleepy time chamomile mix that Pepper got him last birthday, and though the taste is horrible, it makes him feel warm at least and better knowing it was from Pepper. Besides, the team helps calm the residual hum the nightmares seem to always leave.

The tea box will be empty soon, he muses as he scoops out a spoonful. Nightmares have been frequent the past three months, with the "Avengers" first "mission" having ended. Both visions of Rogers and of the fall from space keep replaying in his subconscious and they're both often seen as he sleeps.

But they're not the worst, though still bad. No, the worst is for sure the images of the impending army that seem to be ingrained in his mind at this point. The thousands upon thousands, millions upon millions of ships, of people, of weapons, of disasters that are heading towards his planet. And they can't stop them.

Tony's not stupid. He knows that with an army that big, they won't be able to do anything other than watch as their world burns. He's also not foolish enough to think that they're not coming back.

But, with that said, he thinks as he sips is tea, cursing when he burns his tongue, it still won't stop him from coming up with something, anything. Because the day he doesn't defend his home, his world, his people and friends and family, is the day his heart stops. And that hasn't happened just yet, no matter how much the universe seems to want it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the new chapter and that everyone is having a nice week! I tried to make this one a bit longer than my usual chapters. I'll hopefully have another one out soon, but I've also been working on multiple oneshots and smaller things so I may post one of those instead. But rest assured that I'll post another chapter sometime soon.
> 
> Until then, Teas~


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're a third of the way done already! I've split this fic up into three sections, with this chapter being the start of the second. Hope you enjoy!

After the Battle of New York, as it has been dubbed by multiple newspapers, the months seem to pass by quickly. While the rest of the Avengers have a permanent standing invitation to move into the newly renovated Stark Tower, none of them had reached out to Tony and a few months pass before the two spies contact him, the redhead calling him only three days before the archer sends him an email.

~~~

"If they hurt you, they die," Rhodey promises as Tony watches the car pulling up to the driveway, looking down every now and then at the phone in his hand, the screen open to the video call with Rhodey.

"Relax honeybear, what harm can they do?" Tony asks, almost laughing at Rhodey's expression.

"It'll be fine," he reassures as the car opens up and the two step out.

"It better," Rhodey agrees, as Tony walks towards the car to greet the newest additions to his tower.

"If I may, I will personally see to it that Sir comes across no trouble from our new guests," Jarvis says, voice echoing from the ear piece and apparently to Rhodey's call as well.

And, with those promises of safety, Tony walks forward, hand outstretched, to meet the two agents.

~~~

Surprisingly, Natasha and Clint slot well into his growing group of superheroes. They each have their own floor, because really, who did they think he was, and they seem pretty satisfied overall with their spaces. Bruce is also still there and a constant lab partner and now friend, which is a bit strange at first (because why would someone want to spend time with him for fun) but eventually Tony gets used to it and it becomes a thing that Tuesdays were movie nights and that Thursdays were the only day that Bruce could absolutely force the other man to have a sit-down dinner with him (though Tony does make an effort to come more often than that).

And, after nearly six months of the spies tiptoeing around their new housemates and gradually getting closer to them, their movie nights of two turns into movie nights of four, with Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper sometimes dropping by and plopping themselves on the couch, promptly stealing the blanket from whoever is nearest.

With the two new agents also comes Agent, who often drops by with the two and sometimes joins all of them for movies of dinner. Soon, he's seen around the tower more often than not, when his schedule let's him, though Tony suspects that it's more to visit Clint than anything else.

The rest of the year is a blur, with Harley Keener suddenly popping up into his life, and hopefully staying there, if the plans for the summer go through with his mom.

Occasionally Thor will also stop by and pay his regards, though he seems to be in Asgard more and more these days. But that doesn't really matter, because Tony is perfectly content with his little circle of family he is growing. And gradually, as the years pass by, Tony sees himself becoming more and more comfortable with the friends he's surrounded himself with, so much so that he trusts them. Fully and truly, with all of his heart. And isn't that a scary thought?

~~~

"I am not a stalker," is the first thing that runs through Tony's mind as he checks the report he had Jarvis run up for him a few minutes ago. "I am not a stalker," he says, voice echoing his mind.

"Whatever you say, Sir," comments Jarvis dryly.

"Hey, I don't remember programing that sarcasm into you," Tony says, smile playing across his lips even as he watches the holo screen he has thrown up in front of him.

"As I remember, you programmed me to learn from my surroundings. It is hardly my fault that my surroundings were so sarcastic, Sir,"

"Hush, you, I'm sure the community college around the block would be happy to have you there instead if having you here giving me sass,"

"Should I make a note of that then, Sir?" The AI asks, and Tony is pretty sure that if Jarvis could smile, he would be. As is, his voice already sounds humorous.

"You do that, J,"

Looking over the screen one more time, Tony waves his hand and let's the screen disappear, looking around his workshop and sighing before bringing up his to-do list that both Pepper and Fury have been liberally adding to in the past week. Fury certainly doesn't let him forget that he signed up to be a consultant, does he.

"If I may ask, Sir,"

"You can do whatever you want, Sweetie," Tony snarks, voice overly sweet as he looks over the list one last time before picking the most urgent item.

"Why are we recording Captain Roger's movements?"

"Because I feel like it, J,"

"I see,"

Sighing again, Tony looks at the ceiling.

"I don't know, J, I really don't," he says, because that's the truth.

He started monitoring Steve more carefully a few months ago. While he had a small report sent to him through Jarvis every now and then after the Battle of New York, now he finds himself looking at it much more often. Though it's not just Steve. Well, it wasn't just Steve. Originally, he had a report set up for every team member. However, he feels like the others are pointless now that he sees them on a near daily schedule. The only two he is still monitoring is Steve and Thor, though with Thor gone so often now the report is pretty much just a formality, with most of them just stating his absence and leaving it at that. So Steve is the only one he still actively checks, other than the occasional check on Harley.

So far, it's pretty boring. Nothing much has happened so far, and much of his information is also gotten through the little things that Natasha mentions over dinner. (Even though they're technically not supposed to talk about their missions, the topic still comes up occasionally.) He works for SHIELD now, doing missions for Fury. He has a small little apartment and doesn't really do anything exciting other than seemingly paint and draw, and even that Tony wouldn't exactly call thrilling. The only thing remotely interesting about him is the fact that he drinks an insane amount of orange juice. Steve Rogers leads a pretty boring life.

~~~

Tony is in a meeting when he gets the call from Natasha, phone on full volume which is the most worrying thing; Jarvis wouldn't let it ring unless it was important.

Honestly, he's not even listening anymore and the only way he's really staying awake is from the glares Pepper gives him whenever he starts to drift.

The board is arguing between themselves and he's not quite sure why he's here. But he's here anyway (mainly because Pepper would kill him if he missed another meeting).

Looking down at his phone and ignoring the worried look Pepper gives him as he opens his phone, he quickly leaves the room, Pepper letting him. 

As soon as he gets into his office he quickly pulls his phone out and calls Natasha back.

"Where are you?"

"Tony, you got my call?" she asks, voice calm and the sound of a car in the background.

"Tasha, please, where are you?"

"Is the line secure?"

"What do you take me for?" he response, voice misleadingly light.

"Steve and I will be going undercover for a few days, a week at most," she says voice still as calm as ever, though Tony can hear the undercurrents of worry and urgency he's learned to listen for over the past two years.

"Why?" he starts.

"SHIELD is compromised. Fury is dead," she states, bluntly, trusting the line Tony put her through to be secure.

"Well, shit," Tony says, repurcusions and solutions already running through his head as he looks up, hearing a knock on the door.

"I believe Miss Potts is trying to enter, Sir," Jarvis says from the phone.

"Let her in,"

"Is Pepper there?" Natasha asks. Over the past couple of years, the two had gotten close, with either one probably knowing more secrets from the other than anyone one else. Tony wouldn't be surprised, but maybe a bit scared because that would be a scary and intimidating combination, if they started dating (or if they already were).

"Yeah, here," Tony says, handing the phone over to Pepper as she walks in, turning around to give them at least the illusion of privacy.

"You what?" He hears Pepper ask, her voice dangerously sharp.

Busying himself with hacking into SHIELD and checking up on his team, as well as messing up what little he can, subtle and small things that Hydra won't notice but that will still be annoying as anything, he stops listening to the phone call, letting his heartbeat fill his ears instead.

"...come home soon, yeah?" Pepper says as she taps Tony, handing the phone back to him after only a few short minutes.

"What can I do?" he asks once he has the phone back.

"Protect them until I'm back, yeah?" she asks, voice still as flat as ever but the meaning of her words cutting through him deep, pulse thundering in his ears as he nods.

"Yeah," he says, swallowing thickly. "Already doing so," he mutters, though he suspects she knows he was in SHIELD's system as soon as he handed the phone to Pepper.

"I'll come home soon, Antoshka," she says, before hanging up, leaving Tony alone in the room, Pepper having left after she handed the phone back.

"You better," he murmurs to himself, the buzz of his pulse settling under his skin and sending shivers through him.

~~~

And she does.

A few days later she comes back to him, back to their family, back to home.

Only this time she's brought a guest.

A certain Steve Rogers is apparently taking Tony up on that standing invitation.

~~~

"Are you going to be okay with this?" Clint asks him, having found him in his workshop after having shown Steve to his floor.

"Peachy," Tony responds, not looking up.

Sighing, Clint comes around and to Tony.

"You can always tell him to beat it," he suggests.

Though the rest of the towers occupants don't all know the history between Howard and Rogers, they've gathered enough to make assumptions and have a pretty good idea about their history and relationship. Tony also suspects Clint and Natasha both saw the footage of their conversation together on the helicarrier.

Nodding, Tony goes back to his metal, savoring the distraction and being thankful when Clint leaves, not ready to face another human quite yet.

"Call me if you need anything," Clint offers, shutting the door quietly on his way out.

~~~

Later that night, Tony makes two new reports to have sent to him.

One for a Sam Wilson.

The second for a James "Bucky" Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self edited so please let me know if you see any errors and I'll try my best to fix them.
> 
> I hope I'm not rushing the relationship between Natasha and Clint with this chapter, but if it's not clear they've been living with Tony in the tower for about two years before the winter soldier stuff happens.
> 
> Also, I don't know if I've said this yet but thank you all so much for all of the support. Your bookmarks (which have recently hit fifty five!), kudos, and comments always make my day, so thank you!
> 
> As always, have a nice day and I'll see you soon.
> 
> ~teas


	12. Chapter 12

Tony isn't hiding. Really, he isn't. It just so happens that he hasn't seen talked with Rogers yet in the two months he's been here. Not hiding. Besides, he's talked to him a bit. On the field. In the suit.

"You can always kick him out, if you need," Natasha says as she runs a hand through Tony's hair, speaking softly to him. It's a Tuesday night which means movie night, meaning that her, Tony, Bruce, and Clint are in the living room watching a Disney movie; it's Bruce's choice this week.

Looking up from his position on her lap, his legs sprawled across Clint's lap he sees that her eyes are still on the screen. Looking back again to the screen and singing animals he softly shakes his head.

"Not hiding," he says.

"Antoshka," she starts, "Yesterday you came into the kitchen, saw he was there, and then walked out," she remarks dryly.

"I remembered I had to do something...?" he tries, already knowing he lost the argument the moment Natasha opened her mouth.

"You should feel safe in your own house, Tony," Bruce pitches in from his spot on the armchair.

Glaring at the other scientist, Tony huffs. "What is this, therapy?" he snarks. "I do feel safe, he just gets under my skin sometimes," he says, sighing when Clint opens his mouth.

However, before he can speak, the light behind the couch turn on, the quiet footsteps of the supersoldier seemingly cutting through the air as he pads to the fridge. And, though Tony can't see him from where Nat is still combing her fingers through his hair, he knows exactly who it is. It isn't hard anyway; Happy and Pepper are on mandatory leave (honestly, they need the vacation), and Rhodey is back on base.

"Oh. Sorry," Rogers says weakly and Tony can hear the fridge opening. "Just needed milk," he says, voice trailing off.

Realistically, Tony knows that he didn't really have to come up here; each floor has a private kitchen. However, he also knows that all the members prefer to come to the communal kitchen, for a strange reason that Tony can't seem to figure out. Though he's not one to talk, seeing as he also spends most of his meals (when he remembers to have meals or when someone drags him down there) in the communal kitchen as well.

Nobody responds to Steve though, so Tony doesn't feel obligated to talk to the man.

As soon as he leaves, Tony relaxes, releasing the tension he didn't know was there, ignoring the small buzz in his ears, and putting the hand that had moved over his chest without his knowing back down to his side.

"Beat?" Clint murmurs, rubbing his ankle. He told them about his pulse a few months ago due to the fact that the two spies found him on the workshop floor with his pulse pounding in his ears and the humming too strong under his skin.

"Fine," Tony answers, because it's true. Because right here he is truly fine; surrounded by people who understand, who care.

~~~

It's inevitable that he'll run into the soldier at some point. It just so happens to be in the gym.

He's training with Nat when he walks in, white shirt and grey sweatpants on as he immediately goes over the the punching bag, ignoring the two on the mat.

"Ow, Nat," Tony whines as Natasha hits him on the arm.

"Pay attention," she says, though a small worried and curious smile is playing at her lips. However, seeing Tony's nod she goes back to punching him, much to his annoyance.

~~~

"You know you can always ask him to-"

"I swear, if you tell me I can always kick him out I'll take away your suit and give you a Hammer tech one," Tony threatens as he looks his friend in the eyes through the video call.

"You wouldn't,"

"Watch me," Tony says with faux seriousness.

"I'm just saying," Rhodey laughs, looking at the sour look on Tony's face.

"Yeah, you and the rest of the world,"

"Well if he's not going to leave then at least try to not hate him?" Rhodey asks.

"It's not just me though, he's avoiding me too!" Tony says, trying to defend himself. "Besides, it's justified,"

"Is it?"

"What do you mean, of course it is, you know what happened on the helicarrier and the first time he tried to talk to me  it as about Howard and he doesn't seem to want anything with me anyway so-"

"Tony, he's not Howard," Rhodey says softly, cutting off his friend's rambling.

"What?" Tony asks, flustered and surprised.

"I'm just saying. It's not like I'm defending him," Rhodey says, ignoring Tony's scoff. "Just that maybe you're letting your opinion on Howard change your opinion of Rogers," he finishes bluntly.

"But the helicarrier..."

"Was near Loki's staff, which you said was messing with all of your minds, right?"

"I guess," Tony says reluctantly, thinking it over in his mind. He hadn't noticed it before but now that Rhodey mentions it, he had been comparing Steve to Howard and what Howard said about him. Which may or may not be fair. And, the scepter is also in Roger's favor.

"Yeah maybe," he says, looking back to Rhodey. "How are things with you?"

"Same as always," Rhodey answers, dropping the topic of Steve as Tony makes it clear he wants to, and talks about life and light topics instead for the rest of the call.

~~~

"Sir, Mr. Rogers is currently requesting access," Jarvis says as the loud music is abruptly stopped.

"Steve? What does he want?"

"I believe he wishes to talk to you,"

"Fine, let him in, J," 

As the door swings open, said super soldier walks in, arms at his side and shoulders stiff.

"Jarvis said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Mr. Stark, would you like me to leave?" Steve asks, standing near the doorway as he crosses his arms.

"Oh for crying out loud," Tony mutters, shutting the holo screen in front of him down. "No, I do not," he says firmly, cursing his life. "And it's Tony, Stark was my dad,"

"If you're not comfortable with me here I can move out, Tony," Steve continues.

"I'm perfectly comfortable with you here," Tony insists, internally seething, hand automatically moving to cover his chest.

"You've been avoiding me," Steve says bluntly. "It's your home, I don't want to intrude,"

"You're not. Just stay,"

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not," Tony tries.

"Yes you are. I may not be a genius like you but I'm not an idiot. Did I do something wrong?"

"I mean you were sort of a jerk in the helicarrier," Tony mutters.

"To be fair, so were you," Steve says, smile on his lips for inexplicable reasons.

"Why do you even care if I'm comfortable with you?" Tony asks, getting away from that topic as fast as he can.

"Because you're my team and I want to get along. It's not just living; our relationship also affects the field,"

Ah. It's not him then, it's just the job, just a formality. That, Tony can work with.

"We've been fine on the field," Tony says, because they have. They work like a well oiled machine on the field, the whole team does.

"Off the field is just as important,"

"Is it?"

Sighing, and some part of Tony is delighted at the obvious discomfort and frustration, Steve looks at Tony before extending his hand.

"Let's start over," he suggests, eyes annoyed and voice warm but stressed.

"What are you, a romance novel?" Tony snarks, but takes his down from his chest and shakes Steve's hand just the same, Tony's smaller and calloused hand fitting into the supersoldier's easily.

"I didn't know you liked that kind of book,"

"Shut up,"

~~~

Groaning, Tony flops onto the bed.

"There a reason you're taking over my room?" Clint asks, eyes amused as he looks up from the tv and to the man on his bed.

"Were you the one who sent Spangles to my shop?" Tony asks, voice muffled by the covers.

"I am utterly offended that you would dare accuse me of such a crime," Clint says, eyes still on the screen, that he turns off with an over exaggerated sigh.

"I hate you,"

"Love you too, Tones,"

"Does Agent know you're cheating on him?"

Clint rolls his eyes, but gives Tony an indulgent smile.

"If I didn't say anything, he would have done it anyways. Only difference would have been that he would have stalled for a few more months,"

"And those few months would have been wonderful,"

"You would rather spend your time avoiding him and nursing your fears instead of doing something and fixing your non-existent relationship?"

"Harsh," Tony mutters.

"I know, truth hurts," Clint says, running a hand through Tony's hair as the brunette hums his agreement.

"We made up, I think," Tony says after a while, voice cutting through the silence.

"That's good, Tones,"

"I guess. It was more of just 'I won't kill you if you don't kill me' sort of making up," Tony laments. "That counts, right?"

"It's better than nothing," Natasha says lightly, walking in and sitting next to Clint on the bed. "And Rogers seems to be more comfortable in the tower,"

"You're positive today,"

"I'm positive everyday,"

"...right," Tony says, sentence dropping off. "You saw him?"

"He was in the kitchen,"

"Why can't you just use your kitchens?" Tony murmurs.

"Because we like this one better," Clint answers, hand still in Tony's hair.

"Did you talk to him?" Tony asks cautiously.

"He said he talked to you. Said it went well," Natasha says, and Tony has to remind himself that he's practically the only one on the team who doesn't get along with Rogers. Or who isn't his friend. Either one. Natasha works with him enough to practically require that they tolerate each other and Clint gets along with most everyone.

Nodding, Tony once again slumps down on the bed, eyes closing for the first time in nearly fifteen hours.

"I'mma just stay here," he murmurs, the subtle laughs of his friends the last thing he hears before he drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't guessed by now, I've finally gotten some free time to write more chapters, so yay. Hope you're enjoying that slightly longer chapters and more frequent updates, it'll hopefully be like this for at least a few more weeks.
> 
> Anyways, hope you are all staying safe and being well and if not then I want you to know you can always talk to me. I know from personal experience that venting to a stranger can help sometimes, so I'm always here if you need it. Seriously, I'm always here; I never sleep.
> 
> As always, see you next time
> 
> Teas~


	13. Chapter 13

The next time Tony sees Steve is about a week after their conversation when Bruce invites him to dinner. Not that Tony can really blame him, he knows that Bruce gets along relatively well with the soldier.

And, surprisingly, things are less awkward than before. True to his word, Steve really does try to start over, and so Tony does the same. And it works, making Pepper and Rhodey very happy when he talks to them the following morning.

After that first meal, Steve starts coming to more and more meals and soon he's coming to every meal, or at least the ones Tony sees him at.

Then, one day, Jarvis alerts him to the visitor at his door.

"Hi, Tony," Steve says, standing semi awkwardly in the doorway, staring at the shorter man in front of him.

"Hi?" Tony asks warily, consciously folding his arms in front of his chest.

"Natasha and Clint are taking up the living room and Bruce is in the kitchen making dinner so I was wondering if you would if I stay here instead?" He asks, voice strong and stiff but timid at the end.

"Don't you have an entire floor?" Tony asks, nearly smacking himself when the light drains from the man's face. Right, starting over. "Wait, actually I remembered Jarvis wanted to do a scan of the rooms today," he says quickly, and Pepper better be proud of him because he's really trying here.

"Oh, okay," Steve says, and smiles softly at Tony. "So I can just stay here or..?"

"Yeah, there's a couch there," Tony says, pointing with one arm at the worn out couch and hoping it doesn't look too bad.

"Thanks," Steve says as he walk over and gingerly sits down, taking out the sketch pad that Tony hadn't seen until now and opens it to a new page.

"You draw?" Tony asks suddenly. "I mean, of course you draw, why would you have a sketch pad if you didn't draw," he rambles, cursing his lack of social skills.

"Yeah, I draw," Steve answers, voice all too amused.

Humming, Tony turns his stool so that he can see the other man out of the corner of his eye before turning to the screen in front of him, hand moving to hover protectively over his chest.

~~~

Tony blanks out when he's working, or so he's told. It's easy to though, to get lost in the schematics or the metal or the fire and just let his music and heartbeat be the only thing he hears. He's often come to with Pepper or Rhodey shaking him back to awareness.

Therefore, he's not unused to people shaking him out of a workshop binge. However, this voice is new, which is probably what shakes him out of it so quickly.

"Steve?" He asks, confused as he looks up to the man standing above him and then to the man's hand on his shoulder, holo screen shutting down and hand moving back over his chest.

"Bruce is calling," the blonde says, smile evident on his lips as he looks down at his hand before moving it off of Tony's shoulder. "Dinner's ready,"

"Right, yeah, right," Tony says hurriedly, standing up and ignoring the tingle in his feet from the numbness and the heartbeat hammering in his ears as he walks past Steve to the door, only looking back to make sure he's following and not bothering to let his thoughts dwell on the smile still evident on Steve's face.

~~~

After that first awkward interaction with Steve coming to the workshop, the man quickly slotted into the space. A few months later and Tony has given him access to his workshop to come and go as he pleases, under the premise that "it's too annoying to have to pause to let Jarvis let you in,". Clint teases him that he's finally grown a heart and is actually being civil to more than a handful of people. He accepts the teases with snark and a hidden smile.

~~~

Normally, Steve brings something to the workshop, either a book, his sketchpad, some pencils, paints, or just conversation, which Tony is happy to participate in as he works. Soon, the rustic looking wooden table (something Pepper put in when she found out about the supersolider's newest area to hang out. Surprisingly, Rhodey and Pepper are both happy the blonde is spending more time in the workshop, even if they did threaten to kill him if he steps out of line when they first found out) next to the sofa is splattered with paints and Tony has installed a pencil sharpener directly into the table, something that "doesn't split my ears and that actually works for once,".

And, even though Tony would never say it - because saying it makes it all too real - the two might have actually become something along the lines of friends.

~~~

Tony gave Wilson a standing offer to come back to the tower around the same time Natasha and Steve came back from the fall of Shield, something that he's still dealing with; the aftermath was horrendous. With Wilson becoming a formal avenger and Tony seeing him every week for training, it seemed even more fitting.

And so, when the Falcon moves into the tower, Tony deletes the constant update file he has on him and instead moves his name over to the tower's occupants so that he can take care of him using Jarvis and his tower instead.

~~~

Contrary to popular belief, Tony hasn't really dated many people, which is a bit weird considering the numerous articles about who he has dated (or slept with) as well as his age.

It's not that he has never wanted to date people. He has. At MIT he thought about it for a while, an older girl named Sunset had been nice enough to him for long enough to make him think about it. Of course, once he found out that she only wanted him for SI he never actually dated her, but he came close.

And sure, he's slept with one or two people, but it has always been just that, with none for the actual emotional part of dating.

The only other person he ever seriously considered dating was Pepper, however after Afghanistan he quickly realized that for one, it wouldn't work, and two, he didn't feel that way about her even if it did work. The media seems to believe otherwise though, with articles still speculating their relationship coming out regularly.

And now, with him practically working three full time jobs - SI, Shield consultant, and Avenger - he doesn't really have the time to find someone, like them enough to date them, and then actually date them. In fact, he's actively told himself to not go falling in love. He doesn't have time for that. Besides, who would want the man with the dysfunctional heart anyways? Well, going off of what others have said, the answer is none.

~~~

Howard is a sire subject, all of the team, including Steve knows that. Of course, their understanding of why varies, but they all know not to bring it up.

And, surprisingly, he and Steve haven't talked about Howard yet. 

And it's killing him.

So, when the other man mentions him, Tony is quick to continue the conversation; better to get it over with now, he reasons.

~~~

"You know Howard was..." Steve starts, trailing off as he realises his mistake of mentioning the man.

Though he doesn't totally understand why, Tony had noticed that Steve rarely talks about Howard, and he half suspects that Rhodey warned/threatened him to steer away from the specific topic.

Coughing awkwardly, Steve buries his head back in his sketchbook. Tony has also noticed that while Captain America can be commanding and a Captain, Steve Rogers tends to be much more shy and awkward. It's a personal favorite of Tony's to see how many times he can make the man to blush in one conversation.

Sighing, turns off the holo screen before spinning around on his stool (all of his chairs are spinny because, unlike some people, *cough*Pepper*cough*,  he has taste) to face the blonde who is currently blushing into his paper.

"Are we going to talk about him or not?" Tony asks, voice weary as he hops off of his stool to sit next to Steve, stilling when the other man unconsciously scoots towards him.

"I thought you didn't want to," Steve says, Brooklyn accent strong in the way that happens whenever the man is nervous.

"I don't," Tony says bluntly, "but I also refuse to have you stumble around the topic forever," he says, almost smiling at the way the blonde once again blushes.

"What do you want know?"

"Where you friends?" Tony asks, because he has no self restraint and he's honestly quite desperate to learn what the true relationship between the scientist and soldier was.

Looking confused for a second, Steve seems to think about it for a little while, humming as he thinks.

"No, I wouldn't say friends. I really didn't know him that well, though he was a bit of a jerk I thought," Steve says, voice more timid at the last few words, as if scared he could insult Tony with them. "He tried to ask Peggy on a date, in front of me,"

Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, Tony laughs and humorless laugh before nodding. "Yeah, that's Howard. He never really changed then," he says, not bothering to try and decipher the emotions that flood the Steve's face, though he does see sadness and maybe anger, though he's not quite sure why.

"Really? I thought maybe having a kid would straighten him out,"

Laughing again, Tony shakes his head bitterly.

"You thought wrong. Unlike some people, Howard would have never just turned to the light side, much less for a child he never wanted," he says, muttering the last few words sharply, memories and age old bitterness lacing the words.

"I'm sure he wanted you, Tony," Steve tries, his instinct to reassure overriding his sense to keep his mouth shut.

"How would you know," Tony spits bitterly, standing up, his mask long forgotten in lue of emotions. "You weren't around, you were sleeping in the ocean! I knew who you were by the time I could walk. The great Captain America; Howard never shut up about you," Tony rants, not stopping even if he could. "And if it wasn't bad enough that he was gone all the time on his ridiculous mission to find you, as if that was ever going to happen, he expected me to live in your place. Live up to this great ideal of a man, as if that was possible," Tony continues, even as his heart sinks as he watches Steve's face turn increasingly pale. "I'm not sure to thank you for being in the ice or not. On one hand, if you weren't then Howard might have been too distracted with you to spare me a glance. On the other hand, because he went looking for you so often, he wasn't home to hit me," he finishes, lips in a snarl as he stands above the other man, who flinches as he spits the last few words, which snap Tony out of his emotional rush.

"Tony, I'm sorry, really, I-"

"Just," Tony starts, taking a breathe and reinforcing his shields as he sits back down and regains his composure, "leave," he asks tersely.

"Is this because you're mad at me?" Steve asks as he stands, ever the stubborn mule he is.

Sighing, Tony pinches the bridge of his nose and looks up at the man. "No, I'm not mad Steve," he says, holding up a hand as the man starts to open his mouth. "However, I am exhausted, so please get out so I can blow shit up," he finishes.

"Maybe you should sleep instead, Tony," Steve, the ultimate mother hen, suggests.

"Sleep and I don't belong in the same sentence, let alone the same bed," Tony says, fragile guards still rising as he watches Steve open the door.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Tony. For everything," Steve says before closing the door behind him, the lock clicking into place cutting through the now silent workshop.

"Me too,"

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay?
> 
> Yeah so this chapter was both fun and painful to write :)
> 
> Also, while I have the whole story planned out (it's so weird to actually have been productive for once) the only split road I have is if I should include the plot of Ultron in this or not, so... Opinions?
> 
> Also, how would you guys feel about frostiron? Yes, no, maybe so?
> 
> That said, I hope each and every one of you is having a good day and I'll see you soon! Stay safe.
> 
> ~teas


	14. Chapter 14

As Tony finds out when the scientist comes knocking on his workshop door, Steve eventually sent Bruce to check in him, two days after their conversation.

"Tony?" Bruce asks as he steps inside.

"Bruciebear, my favorite person!" Tony exclaims as he spins around in his stool to face his friend. "What can I help you with? Also, you know you don't need to knock, right? You have full access to everything here, including my workshop. Mi casa es tu casa, or however that goes," Tony rambles.

"I wouldn't just come in without knocking Tony," Bruce says with a smile, as Tony is reminded why he is half in love with the man. "Steve told me you've been down here for a few hours, he was getting worried,"

"I often spend hours down here," Tony says, fiddling with the scrap metal on his desk.

"You don't often miss dinner," Bruce pushes.

"Key word often,"

"Tony,"

"Bruciebear,"

"Steve says you had a fight?"

"Steve is a lying liar who lies, don't listen to him,"

With a stare from the other man and nearly thirty seconds of silence Tony finally breaks, shoulders slumping.

"It wasn't really a fight,"

"Then what was it?"

"More like me pouring my emotional turmoil onto Steve..?" Tony mutters hesitantly, elaborating after another stare from Bruce. "He sort of mentioned Howard and I sorta ran with that,"

"Are you okay?" Bruce asks, genuine concern for Tony in his voice.

"M'fine," Tony says, shooting Bruce a tired smile.

"Mmhm," Bruce hums, sounding entirely unconvinced. "Well, it's dinner time anyways, so you should come up soon," Bruce says.

Wincing, Tony looks back at the scrap metal on his desk. "I might not make it," he says weakly.

"And why is that?" Bruce asks, with his serious voice, because Bruce totally has a serious voice. Some people will dabate this fact but those people have never seen Bruce actually serious. Tony, on the other hand, often has the privelage of hearing said voice. He's not sure if that's entirely a good thing.

"A bit busy," he says, aiming for sincerity.

"Last time I checked your schedule is clear for today," Bruce says, voice flat and one eyebrow lifted.

"....something came up?"

"Tony, you're going to have to face him eventually," Bruce says, apparently switching tactics because now he's using the 'don't-scare-the-Tony' voice that he and the rest of Tony's ragtag family seems to share.

"I mean, I could become a hermit,"

"Tony,"

"Hermits seem to have nice lives, I could be a hermit,"

"Tony," Bruce tries again, voice slightly louder.

"I could get a nice cave and everything,"

"Tony," Bruce says, voice leaving no room for opposition.

Sighing, Tony nods before standing, resigned to his fate of having to face his problems.

"It'll be fine," Bruce reassures, before opening the door for Tony and leading him back up the elevator.

~~~

True to his word, dinner wasn't horrible. Steve didn't say anything about it and by the end of dinner he and the blonde were laughing once again, while Tony tried to ignore the way the two spies were looking at each other knowingly. However, as Bruce started clearing the table, with Natasha helping, Steve decided now was the time to strike.

"Tony? Can I talk with you?" he asks, Clint watching from the background before being dragged back into the kitchen with a yelp by Natasha.

"Sure, Capsicle, what's on your mind?" He asks, voice full of fake casualness.

"I wanted to apologize for everything Howard did," Steve says, looking the shorter man in the eyes as he grabs Tony's hands, making him look down. "I am really, truly, sorry," he says, and the sincerity in his voice is making Tony uncomfortable.

"It's fine, really," Tony says awkwardly, sparing their hands a glance every now and then.

"No, it isn't. But I still wanted to say sorry," Steve says, voice and posture still entirely serious.

"Thanks," Tony says after a second. "I mean it," he finishes, because he actually does.

Nodding, Steve looks away from Tony's eyes and at their hands and pulls away, scratching the back of his head and blushing slightly. "Should probably help with that," he mutters, gesturing to the still full table; the rest of the team seems to have abandoned the kitchen.

"Yeah," Tony agrees getting a plate and just missing the last adoring glance Steve shoots him as he walks towards the kitchen.

~~~

Four months after the awkward after dinner conversation and Tony finds himself in his workshop looking over his files. Now that Wilson moved in, the only file remaining is Barnes.

The only file that Tony regularly checks, the others set to only alert him if he's had unexplained silence for more than five days or if there's an emergency.

The file that he probably checks too much to be healthy, even if he insists to himself that he is only checking on the man, because anyone important to his family should be important to him as well - it is true but it is also not the main reason.

He's not quite sure why he checks it so often. Well, no, that's not true. He knows why he checks it so often, but he is hesitant to say why because that would make it all too real.

Barnes is like a ghost that haunts him. Always floating in the back of him mind, like a reminder of why he refuses to like Steve as anything more than a friend. Because, as he found out about a month ago during movie night when his mind was going to fast to be able to focus on the movie, he could like Steve. Like, romantically, like. With hearts, or whatever people say nowadays. He doesn't though. But he could. He could, and he could more easily than he would have liked.

Laughing to himself as he looks over the file again he thinks out loud.

"Howard would have had a field day knowing I've fallen for his prize and beauty," He says. "Not to mention the fact that his very same prize and beauty is bi," he says, because that is a fact that he found out about a week after the Howard conversation during movie night when the topic came up and Clint, in his usual prying manner, asked about Steve's sexuality (the question was followed by a yelp from the archer, probably from Natasha smacking the back of his head). To his credit, Steve looked the archer straight in the eye before answering, prompting Tony to break the silence that happened afterwards by sharing himself.

"'M glad we found you when we did,"

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be wondering why I'm updating. Or why I'm awake at 2 am. We'll both are because I just got off of a 16 hour flight. yay. goodnight. hope everyone is good. imma go crash now, bye
> 
> ~teas


	15. Chapter 15

1.4k Words

~~~

"...is why I love you, Brucie," Tony exclaims, wrapping his arms around the other man's waist (if Bruce's grunt tells him anything) just as Steve stops before the door to the workshop (not that he's eavesdropping or anything. It just so happens that his great supersoldier hearing can hear what they're saying). "You always have the best ideas," Tony says, before finally releasing the man, given by the gasp for air.

"You just like me because I do science with you," Bruce says fondness and affection in his voice.

"How could you question my affection?!" Tony exclaims, dramatics in his voice and hands probably waving around in the way that he does when he exaggerates.

"Uh-huh," Bruce answers, smirk in his voice. "Anyways, I better go," he says, which is when Steve suddenly steps back, only to see the man a few seconds later after he finished saying goodbye - "Tony, we live in the same building," - and left the workshop.

"Are you going to actually go inside or just lurk outside instead," Bruce asks, the question obviously directed at the super soldier.

"You knew I was there?"

"The other guy is useful for somethings," Bruce says, already walking away, a knowing look shot at Steve before he turned around.

Nodding, Steve moves towards the door, opening it even as his brain is still rearing. He knew Bruce and Tony were close, though he thought they were just friends. However, it seems he's been proven wrong.

Walking into the shop and reciprocating Tony's greeting, he sits down and starts sketching, hoping to clear his head.

~~~

"Something wrong, Blondie?" Tony asks, voice cutting through the silence suddenly. "Seem a little quiet today,"

"Just thinking,"

"Enlighten me?" Tony asks, attention now on the blonde.

"It's nothing,"

~~~

Plopping down on the sofa, Steve sighs, jumping at the unexpected voice from the armchair. 

"Something wrong?"

"No," he says, trying unsuccessfully to sound sincere.

Nodding, Natasha goes back to her magazine after giving Steve a look.

Sighing again, Steve figures it will just be easier to tell her; she'll find out somehow anyways - she's Natasha.

"Tony and Bruce are together," he says bluntly, voice filled with... disappointment?

Smirking to herself, she shakes her head.

"What?" Steve asks when he doesn't say anything else.

"They're not together,"

"But," he starts, mind reeling. "They act like it?"

"Both of them are good friends, that much is true, but neither of them would ever see each other as anything more than friends," she explains as she stands up, before moving to the door. "Have a nice day Steve,"

~~~

"Something happening today?" Steve asks, eyes following Tony's frantic movements, which are even more rushed than usual, as he moves around his workshop.

"Just the gala," Tony mutters, working on a random project.   
Gotta have this finished before pepper arrives and comes to drag me away," he says, humorless smile on his lips as Steve hums, going back to his sketchbook.

~~~

"Tony already left?" Steve starts casually, walking into the common area.

"Yeah, Pepper dragged him out of here to and get ready about an hour ago?" Clint asks, looking up from his place on the couch.

"Pepper's going too?"

"She does run the company,"

"Right," Steve mutters.

"Plus, you know, she's his date," the other man adds.

"They're-Tony-what," Steve splutters. "They're together?" he asks, hesitantly.

"What, Tony and Pepper?" Clint asks, smirking. "No, they're just friends. I think Tony would rather die than date her, to be honest. Nothing against Pepper, just that they wouldn't work,"

"But she's his date?" Steve asks slowly.

Laughing, Clint nods. "Yeah, Tony and Pepper always go together, probably so that Tony doesn't have to find someone else to go with," Clint explains. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Pepper and Nat are together, I thought you knew that," Clint finishes, smirking again and making Steve instantly feel a little foolish, because he knew that Pepper and Nat were an item.

He just didn't think about it.

~~~

"Jarvis, where is Tony?" Steve asks the AI.

"Sir is in his workshop, Captain Rogers," comes the pleasant reply with a small amount of frustration in the words.

"How long has Tony been down there?" Steve asks with a sigh, though he is pretty sure he already knows the answer; he hasn't seen Tony in nearly three days. Four days ago his code stopped working, accorded to Jarvis's disapproving voice.

"Sir has been in the workshop without interruption for a total of forty-seven hours, has not eaten in the past thirty-six hours, and has not slept in the past forty-seven hours, when he took a nine-hour nap," and there is the answer that Steve had been dreading.

"Will he let me in?" Steve asks, hopeful.

"While your code still is unactivated, Sir might let you in should you talk to him,"

~~~

Knocking seems like the best thing to try, so Steve does. Multiple times. With no result.

"Tony?" he asks, tentatively speaking towards the door after Jarvis tells him to. "Let me in, please?" he tries, not surprised but disappointed when he is met with silence.

"Tony please, you know you can't do this," he says. "It kills me to see you like this," he says quietly; even though he cannot see the other man, he knows what he looks like just the same.

"You shouldn't be here," Tony mutters from his place over the table once the door has opened and Steve has stepped inside.

"I beg to differ,"

Snorting, Tony rolls his eyes.

"Why are you here?" he asks after a minute of silence.

"You've been in here for nearly fifty hours,"

"Question still stands,"

"Tony," Steve says in a slow voice.

"Steve," Tony says, in an equally patronizing voice.

"Sleep?"

"Leave?"

"You know I can't do that, Tony,"

"Then you know I can't sleep, Steve,"

"Why?"

"Why what?" Tony asks, looking a bit confused, eyes glassy with sleep deprivation.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Tony,"

"I-I just need some time alone, Steve," Tony mutters, looking away.

"Uh-huh," Steve says, probably sounding completely unconvinced as he walks closer to the other man. "Talk to me Tony," he says, voice now hushed. "Please,"

Sighing, Tony gets up off of his stool and plops down on the couch. "Nothing is wrong, not really," he says, watching as Steve moves over to sit next to him. "Just an off day, or three," he drawls, unconsciously rubbing a hand over his chest, making Steve's eyes draw to the reactor.

"Is the reactor hurting," Steve asks, without really thinking about the words before they leave his mouth; he and the rest of the team all know that the reactor is a bit of a touchy subject. Still, Tony just laughs.

"That's pretty much the only thing not on my mind, right now," he says. "Why do you ask?"

"Your hand is on your chest a lot, probably because of your reactor?" Steve says, not noticing until he finishes how much it sounds like a question. 

"That's... not because of the reactor," Tony murmurs.

"Well then why?" Steve asks, and anyone who says he actually thinks before he speaks is a liar.

"I'm too tired for this conversation," Tony mutters, before slumping back into the couch (and subsequently against Steve) and, with a muttered "to hell with it", starts talking again.

"I can hear my pulse," he starts bluntly, ignoring Steve's confused expression. "And sometimes it gets a little loud. Well actually no, it's always too loud, but sometimes it gets like humming and constant and really loud," he rambles, trying to explain to the other man who looks at least a little less confused now.

"And today is one of those days?" Steve asks slowly, humming at the brunette's nod. "Anything help?" he says, after a few moments of silence, explaining at the confused look on his friend's face. "For the humming," he explains.

"Not really. I normally just lock myself up for a few days," Tony answers, with a humorless laugh. "Contact, I guess," he says hesitantly.

"Contact?"

"Yeah, like humans?" Tony reiterates, pointedly ignoring their current position, because he is already overwhelmed and exhausted, he does not need to deal with another thing as well.

Nodding, even though Tony can only feel it and not see it, Steve thinks carefully before speaking.

"Well," he starts, "I wasn't planning on moving anytime soon,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not my best chapter, but I hope it's gets the story across? Sorry. Maybe I'll edit it more sometime soon.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed and I'll see you again soon. Have a good day!
> 
> ~teas


	16. Not A Chapter

Hey guys. I don't know if anyone still reads this but if you do I just wanted to let you know that right now an update in the near future is unlikely. School is a mess, my mental health is a mess, and in the last year or so I've also figured out I'm a guy so that's fun. Anyways just wanted to let you know. Thanks for reading. Hopefully sometime I'll update. Until then,

-Tea


End file.
